Where now?

I dont know...i just dont know, Throughout the day i feel so lost and alone, I havent felt like this since i was about 14 years old and just sat around and thought about getting in the ring for the first time. I remember laying in bed and just crying because i didnt have a job and therefore couldnt afford to pay for training....But now its totally turned around and i cry and cry because i have the money to do all of this but because i have had back surgery already im forced to once again lie in bed in the morning and cry until i can force myself out of bed and try to face the world with a false happiness and self worth.....so that nobody sees the real me and only sees what i want them to see about me. I am no longer that man i am no longer the man with the heart of stone and no longer am i the man with so much heart and persiverance that nothing would stop me from achieveing my dream.
I dont know who i am now.