Where is the light at the end of this tunnel?

   I went out yesterday for the first time in a long time. My best friend, her boyfriend and another one of our pals went to sushi then a football game. I was laughing and joking but honestly, I didn't have any fun. The whole time I was there I just kept thinking, "I just wanna be curled up in my bed right now..."
   Things got a little better when we got home. My best friend stayed the night and her boyfriend hung out with us for a while. Then my dad came home drunk... I was so embarassed and on edge I could hardly breathe. He was with one of his friends so it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, but still, I was going crazy just sitting there.
   And this morning when I woke up I pretended to be asleep when my best friend left. I just didn't want to talk to anybody.
   This isn't how it's supposed to be. I don't feel right. I don't look right. I'm starting to become more self concious of my body and physical appearance in general. I was never really one of those girls got upset over how they looked. Sure, I'd have bad days but lately it's been a constant "I'm not good enough."
   I just want whatever that is in my head that decides it needs to fuck with everything to just stop. I want to be happy, for petes sake.