Where is someone for me? Does someone real exist?
I am well over my divorce. He has moved on to a life of parties and Hos as he should. I am fine with that, really! I have realized my so called boyfriend was just someone God sent to keep me strong to get out of such a long and distructive (to me and my self esteem) marriage. I have done and continue to do all of the work required to be the best I can be, mind, body and soul. I have prayed, wrote, read, watched programs, joined groups, put myself out there, made friends and opened myself up but..... nothing! I get deppressed thinking the kind of relationship I want is just a figment of my imagination. Does real love exist? Is it only a lucky few that get to experience it? Why not me? I'm not getting any younger and I'm not gonna get any prettier so if I am not good enough now, I guess I never will be! I have made wonderful friends here and else where that help time pass in a pleasant manner but it just masks the void in my heart. No disrespect intended to my "friends" my love for you is true and sincere, it just isn't the love I long for from that one special person put on the earth just for me (if there is one). Where the hell is he??? People always tell me, you can't look for him, he will find you. Yea right??!! Do I need to advertise on a bill board or buy a hat with flashing neon lights or what?? I am here, I am ready and I know I am worthy, so WTF??!! When is my turn? Will I get one? Will I be going down the isle in a "hooverround" getting my vail caught in my wheel or what? I try so hard to be patient! But I feel like Marissa Tome' in My Cousin Vinny, my clock is ticking louder and louder! I want a "best friend" so we have years to grow together and grow old together. I get scared it is never gonna happen! I know I am supposed to be OK by myself and then it will happen and all that stuff. I am OK by myself I just perfer to be a couple!!!! Where is the one for me??? Will he ever find me?? I'm not exactly quiet or shy so why hasen't he noticed me? What more work do I need to do before God finds me worthy or am I supposed to be alone to pay for some past sin?? Please pray for me to find what I am looking for before I give up and just stay in bed all day until the men in the white coats come to take me away (maybe one of them will be my true love??, see I look everywhere!). I pray that all of you find your Mr. or Mrs. Right or whatever life would make you the happiest! God please hear our prayers, Amen!
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