Where is my heart

As i sit here today thinking of all my actions over the last several days, I can see that I am still trying to bring her home and resume a relationship with her, even after all that has happened.
Looking at myself from afar, I see a desperate man.  I see that I am willing to be the only one that changes, and that I am setting myself up for another fall.  Why is this man doing this to himself.  Why cant he get a hold of himself and just push forward?  I see maybe pride.  Dont want to have failed in a marriage and dont want another man being in my place., loneliness; dont want to spend life alone.  I just know that I dont want my daughter to be without her mother.  and I dont know if another mom would devote the time she needed.  i am just searching and looking for answers to these questions in my heart and soul.
Well, once again the Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde came out.  The hopes i build up are like dust in the wind; only to be blown down and out of my reach.  I am chasing clouds, seeing them in eyes but they are always out of my reach.