Where is Happy?? I wish it would hurry and find me!

  Not having a fun day! My emotions are all over the place.  My exboyfriend (love of my life, or so I thought) keeps contacting me telling me he misses me. WTF, I AM AVAILABLE and only a few miles away! I told him to go play with his blow up doll! He will NEVER want anything real! Wish I never met him!  My ex husband, sperm donor for my children, called today too, lucky me! Our daughter was at the doctor three times (and $500.00) last week.  She has on going problems.  I called him Friday to fill him in, his answer to me was, "What do you want me to do about it?" umm I don't know maybe give a shit, it is your flesh and blood! Anyway when he called today, I assumed he wanted to check on her (still trying to find some human quality in him), she never even came up, he wants to come by after work and pick up some more furniture, please, he has been gone almost two years!  What is left is mine!! New battle line I am sure! oh yea!! That is what I need more stress! Money is very tight and the added doc bills don't help!  How is it fair that one parent gets to screw up a family, then leave with no resposibilty to clean up the mess he left behind! How can a human not care about their young?? I am only one person and sometimes it seems I have the wait of the world on my shoulders! I know I am not alone in that feeling but it sucks!  Where is the fun and happy in life??  Will there ever be any in mine?? Church is the only thing that helps.  I give it all to God when I am there and try to stay in that peace, then the dog craps on the floor or something and I am slapped back into feeling I am ALONE!!! I hate ALONE!!!!!!!!! Life takes a partner for so many things to be right! I have no escape.  Need something to look forward to besides, bills and stress.  Let's see um Christmas, yea right, like I will have any money for gifts, more stress!  I pray God shows me his plan soon.  I need to be something more than stressed and lonely!! PLEASE!!  OK done, whinning, I have to get back to work to feed my kids!