where I'm at

Ok so I have been acting out and doing some stupid things lately, way too much drinking and then getting myself in trouble. For a while I have been thinking about what happened and when i started thinking about it i notced that it had tangled itself up just like before to make me full of self blame. In a weird way I feel like I should feel guilty about how this might have effected the men involved. Like my making it so easy, behaving provocatevely, pissing them off etc makes me guilty and them innocent. I think that i get now that i can't hold my self responsible for thier actions for all of the people involved apart from maybe one they insigated it and used thier physical strength or manipulation to make it happen. Even the guy who didn't do this so much choose to be involved, i didn't force him to do anything.
 
However i think maybe the guilty party is society and that i was part of the problem then and if i carry on behaving the way i am at the moment i will continue to be part of the problem. I think maybe i need to become part of the solution to keep reminding myself that the problem is not just me, i do not live my life in isolation no matter how much i might like too! So the question is where do i go from here? What do i need to do to become part of the solution? Do i need to give up drinking altogether? Should I get involved in some kind of activism? Right now I'm not sure