Where I am in 2009

It has been over six months since I lost Fred due to injuries on a bicycle accident.  My brother died (my only sibling) on September 13th, just two months after my beloved Fred.  We knew he was dying.  His birthday was July 5th, while Fred was in coma, on respirator.  I was being pushed to disconnect, "why wait", "you should do it now".  I had to tell everyone to back off so I could spend my brother's last birthday with him.  On July 4th with all this on my mind, I hydroplaned and totalled my car.  No injuries, just my own damage.  Was on my way to the hospital.  I limped home and got Fred's car.  Spent July 5th with my brother and we were going to disconnect on Sunday, the 6th.  Did the disconnect on Monday and Fred passed on Tuesday morning, the 8th.  With a life and death decision, I can't understand the hospital and family being so pushy to end a life.   Because there were no witnesses to the accident, the case is closed.  The closest witness say him fly over his bicycle's handlebars and the bike landed on him.  We all think something hit him and the witness did not see the vehicle since it is a curving road.  We will never know the truth, but it will not bring him back.   My animal rescue work keeps me sane and the kitties give me lots of unconditional love.  I miss Fred so much it hurts.  Have been contacting several psychics that gave me a lot of peace and there have been some signs of contact from Fred.  I know he is with me still, on a different dimension.  That realization helps me go on.  I have also come to accept that dying is a part of life.  No one gets out alive.  It was unfortunate that I didn't go first.  I hope to be able to accomplish something in the years I have left since I am alive and a wonderful, brilliant man was taken from this me.  A huge loss to this world. I have to get back to this great group.  I've forgotten how wonderful it is.