Where do i begin...

I am a mother of 3 handsome boys ages 20,21,&22. My oldest son has managed to stir clear of incaceration and giving me my first grandson here n about a week.. My other 2 just had bdays they were born so close that they are the same age for 2 weeks. My middle son went to jjc at the age of 10 and now at 21 he has been a ward of the court for half of his young life... He only comes home for short visits thia time after 3 yrs n youth prison we shared 2 months. He is fighting a life sentence n i just cant get up off my knees I have neen consumed with failure grief helplessness and all the queations that the answers will never come to light yet still play them over n over n my head... My baby he has done way less time then his brother until he caught a case n currently serving a 10 year sentence my heart is broken in so mant pieces i dont know where to start to try n pick them up...