Where did it all go?!?

This is really just a quick update for anyone who reads my journals. For the most part, my moods have continued to elevate. I can't complain but its soo strange. The last time I can remember such a sudden and drastic shift in my moods I was miserable, this is a shift in the opposite direction. I've felt happier, more alive, more content, more relaxed, more confident, less anxiety... I love it but I can't help but wonder where all the stress, worry, sadness, depression and all the other negative shit go? Its like it just disappeared.
 
Its nice, but I'm not used to it at all. It seems like most stressful situations these days, no matter how intense, are dealt with with an unusual amount of calm indifference that I'm used to. Like, considering what my life is like now, I would expect to be stressed out like crazy, worried sick about A LOT of things. Instead I kind of just shrug it off and go along with it all.
 
Where's all the stress going? Am I suppressing it? Doesn't seem like it, for the most part even in the calmest moments all I feel is... well, calm. Is it drugs? No, I'm cleaner now than I have been in two years probably. Not even legal drugs, no prescriptions, no smart drugs (like the one I WAS taking which seemed to put me in a similar state of mind). Could it be lack of drugs? No, because when this fist came on I was smoking pot regularly and every so often doing psychedelics with my friends, so that can't be it..
 
Its been rather euphoric and clean. Even after months I'm still really not used to it. I worried that if anyone who cared about me noticed this strange and sudden positive shift in my moods would worry that I had become suicidal, this is after all a sign that depressive people might be suicidal... but if anything I want more life, not less. Apparently a friend I used to be really close with and my mom briefly seemed worried about me but not too much.
 
I'm great! And I have no idea why... Its not like I'm unnaturally, abnormally stuck in a happy mood. I still have ups and downs but the ups are higher than usual and the downs are... well, for the most part kind of brief, light, and don't disrupt or disable me much or at all. I feel strangely normal and stable even during a "down" it doesn't seem depressive so much as normal and like everything else that should cause me stress now, is dealt with calmly and indifferently. I don't really get upset about anything anymore.
 
I'm nearly homeless, lost one job, about to loose the second, not doing as well in class as I had hoped, hardly ever speak to my dad anymore (I'll explain later), just got through TONS of paperwork and still have more to attend to, my wallet with bank account numbers and personal information was stolen, and I hardly speak to this girl who used to be my best friend... and all I have to say to any of it is "Ok." and I just carry on like its no big deal. Deal with one at a time calmly. These sorts of things used to weigh me down sooo heavily that I actually had to go see a therapist because of all the stress and depression... Now what?
 
It almost feels like I'm soo full of confidence and calm indifference that I don't really have to worry about anything anymore. Mom says my future is going to be flushed down the toilet if I don't deal with all this RIGHT NOW, and to that, if she says stuff like that to me again I'll just smile and say "Why? Whats there to worry about? What does any of it matter? I'll get where I want to be eventually. Its not even a question of how I get there, what I have to do to get there, how long it takes, how much schooling I get... I'm capable of it all, all it takes is patience at this point, everything else is all in the mind."
 
It's very Eckhart Tolle-ish... I don't know if anyone's ever read the power of now but I was recently thinking of that and realized he's right. The I'm not my mind, I'm me. My mind is nothing more than a tool and without all that stress and worry screwing it up its operating sooo accurately and smoothly it surprises me a lot these days. I remember once worrying that I might be schizophrenic because of a couple of symptoms I was starting to notice, not ALL of those very symptoms are whats driving my sudden and unexpected success. For example, when I work on my math homework, I can sometimes do rather complex equations (as long as I know how and know that I know how to do it) for the most part in my head. Things that once were REALLY challenging are now just a matter of mentally rearranging numbers and variables. I even get this effect I was getting when I was on this smart drug called Piracetam where information just seems to absorb, sink in and become a part of me. I noticed this shortly after I started reading a book called "Mental Math" (btw, if anyone ever wants to get better at math, READ THAT BOOK!! That stuff should be taught in elementary schools BEFORE anyone even picks up a pencil to scratch numbers on paper).
 
The other bit of good news is, I've started dating someone ^_^...