Where Did Everyone Go?
Monday, November 30, 2009 - 1:35 PM Something funny, or so I thought, has been happening around here for nearly a week. During this time, I have not been receiving any of the Daily Strength updates, which I usually receive almost every day. It seems as though something suspicious was going on here. Today, I decided to put on my detectives hat and go looking through the woodwork to see what was wrong. After skulking around a bit, I found the missing e-mail in a place where I would never have put it before reading it, and not even then. It was in the "junk" folder, along with some other e-mail that had also been missing. MSN had better solve their old problems before taking on Windows 7! I saw one of my nieces, her husband, and their six-year-old son Saturday. It was a pleasant, and rare, visit from them. I am not sure what made them decide to come by, but I had a good time. They are going to give me a live Christmas tree, and bring it down, along with my brother in a few weeks. Because my personal care provider is allergic to pine trees, they're going to have to get another kind of tree. That has caused a temporary stumbling block, but I'm sure it can be easily overcome. On Thursday, I have an appointment with my primary care physician. It is a follow-up to my visit with him last month. At that time, I had some skin breakdowns. With the guidance of my doctor's nurse, new dressings have been put on the affected areas every three days since then. My home healthcare nurse has been seeing me on a regular basis. The amount of back pain I've been having is fluctuating between good and bad. When I got up this morning, there was no pain at all. I have not felt that good in more than a year. After I had been up and moving around for a couple of hours, the pain returned and hit me with a vengeance. For some unknown reason, my right foot and leg has become swollen during the past week. When I go to bed at night, I make sure that it is propped up on pillows in order to help reduce the swelling. Wednesday afternoon, I am going to see Dr. Martin again. After our conversation last week, I am not looking forward to my session with her at all.
Replies
A live Christmas tree !!!!!
\" Ring Christmas bells.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TFrO8c_kVQ
\"Wednesday afternoon, I am going to see Dr. Martin again. After our conversation last week, I am not looking forward to my session with her at all. \"
Do you want to stay \'comfortable\' where you\'re at?
Or do you want to \'get better\'?
Very glad you had a good time with the niece\'s family. You need more of those. Good times. It\'s ok to have them you know, and still have qualms about other areas of your life. You don\'t dishonor one by acknowledging the other. Life is always a mixed bag, right? So just try to do what the moment calls for.
I hope the tree thing gets resolved. We can\'t have one, leopard in the house and all.
Hugs and Mojo
weebs
It\'s so hard to talk about the darkest parts of our lives. I think this is because we have to experience the pain. It\'s like opening an infected wound. I\'ve been told that it\'s not good to go back and talk about it and I\'ve been told it\'s the only way to heal. It makes things very confusing! I do know that talking about it and getting feedback such as \"It wasn\'t your fault\" and \"What happened to you was wrong\" are very helpful for me. It\'s hard to get that kind of feedback without talking about it.
You reminded me that my back pain is all gone! I had back pain for years. I wonder if it\'s connected to our histories of abuse. When I was in the midst of remembering and feeling intense emotional pain, my back was hurting to the point where I had to lay on the floor for days.
I hope the skin breakdown areas aren\'t painful. Do you think the swelling could be gout? Has it happened before?
Weebs has written some very valuable words. I struggle with having good times and having qualms. Life is very much a mixed bag.
A live Christmas tree !!!!!
My brother usually gives me a live Christmas tree every year unless my sister tries to sneak in with an artificial one. That will not happen this year since I have already told her that I will be getting the live Christmas tree.
\"Do you want to stay \'comfortable\' where you\'re at?
Or do you want to \'get better\'?\"
Hey, wait a minute! Who said that I am \"comfortable\" where I\'m at? I cannot recall that I ever said that. I do want to get better, but do not look forward to the process that I have to go through in order to get there.
\"I\'ve been told that it\'s not good to go back and talk about it and I\'ve been told it\'s the only way to heal.\"
I have heard the same two options over and over again. Avoiding the issues has not gotten me anywhere. Everything that happened to me comes flashing back into my mind either as random thoughts throughout the day and night, or as nightmares, which lash through my mind after I have gone to bed, and often result in my waking up screaming at the unwanted memories.
\"You reminded me that my back pain is all gone! I had back pain for years. I wonder if it\'s connected to our histories of abuse.\"
I\'m sure that most of my back pain has been caused by severe scoliosis, which was also aggravated by the accident I had two years ago when someone was trying to get me out of bed. It just seems that this year much of the pain is spreading throughout my body. I do not know whether this is connected to the abuse of the past. I may ask Dr. Martin about that.
\"I hope the skin breakdown areas aren\'t painful. Do you think the swelling could be gout? Has it happened before?\"
This has not been the first time that I have had skin breakdowns or the swelling in my leg and foot. I am not overly concerned about it.
\"I struggle with having good times and having qualms.\"
I., too, struggle with having good times. Because of the abuse, I do not feel that I am entitled to them.
You don\'t have to say you\'re comfortable. Comfort zones aren\'t always comfortable. They\'re just what we know.
It\'s the thing about that you\'re \'used to\' where you\'re at, and leaving it behind for something different is very scary, even if the something different is better. The danger you know being safer than the thing you don\'t know.
You have trust issues, I get that. So do I.
What would need to be done, to make you feel safe enough to start trusting?
Whatever that is probably can\'t be achieved 100 per cent. People are people and not perfect.
But, it HAS to be better somehow.