where am i

such a very short time ago, i knew who i was, what i wanted, and where i was going. now i dont know. and i dont know how i lost that drive i had. now i just try to make it day by day. not sure if im really happy or not. everyday i question my ability to take care of my lovely daughter. and i feel horrible. I feel alone. and i want to cuddle up next to austin but i cant caus well really i dont know. cause he snores. and smells funny to me for some reason. and i dont like being touched anymore.  i cant sleep, my back and joints hurt too much. i dont know what to do. i cant see a doctor, no medical. so i guess im just screwed. and ill just close my eyes and hope it all goes away or fixes itself.  but on a good/funny note for baby accomplishments.  Ariyah can pick stuff up with her toes... yup you heard it, her TOES.  instead of learning to crawl, she scoots her but around  to things she can reach with her feet, and grabs them then brings it up to her hands and UAAALLAAA! toys. i was watching her in her crib playing with her pillow. hands to feet, then feet to hands.... its funny.