Wher I am right now

I'm really hating my body right now as I have gained about 6 lbs in 2 weeks, and I hate it so much. I'm just letting e.d. take over my life with added stress lately and it's getting to me and I know I'm not in a good place lately.  I have been restricting and binging.  I know I  need to get rid of my scale but right now I can't.  I have been attending  E.D.A meetings every Thursday evening.It's great to have local, in person support.  I just wish I could get medical soon so I can get back on Bipolar meds & therapt.  I've applied for Disability and hope it comes through soon so I can start paying bills again since my Unemployment stopped.  I just neded to take a break right now and would like to go check in somewhere to just get away from myself.  Treatment for ana would be nice but don't know if it'd be a reality or a stumbling block right now. I know I need it just don't know If I could stick with it and deal with gaining any weight currently.  Plus I'm not sure if I want to let it go yet. I do have an intake for mental health on the 21st to see what I may qualify for.  I hope it's something soon or I may go crazier than I already am.   Sometimes i feel like checking myself in so that I can get help sooner.