When will I learn???
I want to trust people. I want to believe what they tell me. And I do.... and I grow attached. This is where the dysfunction comes in. When you spend much of your life believing and feeling that noone does care, in my case, that is what makes me care more when I chat and text with others. I believe we all need someone to care (and that is part of the reason we are put here)
So even though I am simply reaching out , trying to connect with others, before I know it, I have got suckered in again. "Someone special" comes out of nowhere. We start chatting and before you know it, there is talk of spending time together. One had a young daughter who had lost her mom to breast cancer when she was just a toddler.(She was now 7 or 8) After speaking less than two weeks... I was hearing how she was telling her friends at school of her new Mom and how she was going to buy her a new I- phone. (In all fairness, when I heard her birthday was coming up, I did mention sending her a small surprise) Her daddy did say that was what she wanted... When I told him that was a bit steep since money is tight... his comment, they are only around $200.
Then another with a teenage son who just turned 16. I had their address. Why didn't I send him $ for his birthday for a car? Since we were growing closer, WHY wouldn't I do that? Anyone else would...
Then another who needed me to send security (funds) to "cover"a package from overseas.... to make sure IT arrived safely. (It ws suposedly found , unclaimed cash... I was offered to take what I needed from it when it arrived, then HE would come get it once he was back home. It required a $2500 security fee to process.... from ME. When I wised up and parted ways from that one. A short time later I would hear from him that his daughter was very ill and he had to come back to the states (was in the military) Then he was suddenly in another country for special treatment for her. We spoke for awhile again (after I got the guilt treatent for nt checking back more frequently to check n her status --I did send my thoughts and prayers .... that didn't count.) Don't even remember anymore what the last disagreement was about, but his parting message to me was---"I HOPE YOU DIE A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH WITH THAT POS HUSBAND OF YOURS!"
Then I am stupid enough... another in the military.... money is tight, can I transfer some funds for him to stock up on groceries? (I don't want him to starve do I?)
Now another I did believe. He did wonder earlier on as we were chatting why I am a bit skeptical???? I have been filling him in....
There are many on here. Quite a few do tell me there are some kind, trustworthy people (men too) I am finding it so difficult to believe anymore. (I want to think ahead to being out on my own. In the next breath,it is alittle sad because I am feeling there is really very little to look forward to anymore.) I can't afford to keep believing.
This brings me to the question... How do I continue to have HOPE? STRENGTH? COURAGE? Any ideas?Just turn to God and nobody else???
btw--- my mood? teeny bit sad... more cranky and annoyed!!!
Replies
All I can say is hugs my friend. I know what you are going through. I am the same. Trust is something that I find very hard to do. Sometimes I do not even trust myself. But you have to be gentle with yourself. You have a good heart and a kind soul.
Wow Kim. That’s terrible. I sure hope all those people were not from on here. Never ever send money or anything. The internet is full of scams. Things will work out for you. Hugs.
Set some boundaries for yourself. My guess is because of your situation at home, you feel the need to connect with men and want to feel validated, wanted, appreciated, whatever it is and it seems to be skewing your judgement.
It’s less about trust and more about you using discretion and discernment and again, some boundaries. You can be kind and compassionate without being a doormat or a sucker. Establishing trusting friendships and relationships requires behavior observation, reading cues, body language, etc. You are missing a complete picture of the person when you are only establishing a relationship on line. That’s not to say you can’t have friendships on line but you still have to protect yourself.
I should say, I did part ways rather than give all what they wanted (usually my cash). The one lesson I did learn was when someone who was out of the US could not access his acct info. I did give him my facebook info so he could get into his acct. Unfortunately, I did also get friended and messaged by some complete strangers.... he also sent messages as me to some friends and coworkers (I learned this as some I rarely chat with were responding to me) Then there was the comment that he knew there were others who were scamming me. he knew this because he was checking my correspondence.
@ atpeacemary---You are right... do have a good heart and kind soul. What I am wondering is how much will it take before I do finally lose that???.
veggiequeen, when you know, let me know too. I am hitting 70 and still fall for a sob story. It is who we are and we cannot change that. We just have to be more careful. Trust our instincts and gut feeling. Hugs my friend.
Bad people take advantage of the kind hearted. That is horrible. I have learned that so many lie just to get what they want then drop you. It is a hard lesson but one to keep in mind. I want to get to know a man like you do and have companionship with him but it has to be on my terms and not his. Not any more. That way I try not to fall for the phony ones. But recognizing a phony is the hardest part. When someone starts talking about you buying them something or wanting to use your money, that is the first signal to let go. If they are true, they wouldn't do that. Take care. Hugs.
I promise never to ask for anything but your friendship. I think rmb spoke some righteous words. We can be caring and careful at the same time without getting cynical. I think? Budda said we need to help others. And if we aren’t able to do that at least do no harm. That includes to ourselves. I have always been a bit naive and very trusting. Been hurt as a result. But I refuse to become hardened spiritually. I am a gentle person and I feel good this way. Maybe it’s time to ease up on the online meetups. I would hate to see you become completely jaded by mankind. There are some of us left who are still seeking knighthood. I was just thinking of a similar thread of thought that you are contemplating on my walk. How we can perceive life if we stop seeing the good. Shakespeare: life is but a poor player (actor) who struts and frets his life upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. King Lear was a tragedy for a reason. We don’t need to follow his lead. Or pessimism. We can never stop being positive. Because the alternative is too awful to live with. Thoreau said that men (and women) lead lives of quiet desperation. I think that’s our fate when we stop seeing the wonder of life. And don’t share with other souls. Ok. That’s enough for now.
I know what you mean. But while some of us on here are not after your money and really care about you, it's also really fulfilling to have friends you can see in person. Can you or do you attend a church near you? A good church will offer reliable people who can be true friends, as well as a means to know God better. Most of my best friends are at my church. But I congratulate you on your kind heart--as long as you don't allow yourself to get scammed, that will bring you rewards ultimately. God bless you.
Yeah, I’m not a cynic. I believe most people are good, or have good intentions. I don’t walk through life thinking everyone is looking to screw me over. For one thing, it’s simpley not true and for another, that’s a completely unhealthy way to see yourself and others.
Having connections with people does have a degree of risk but it doesn’t require complete surrender of your will.
You don’t have to surrender judgment in order to remain kind. They aren’t mutually exclusive.
Try to make some connections in real life, not on line. We are designed for that kind of connection and designed with not only emotions but also intellect. When you connect with others online, it comes down to idealization of the person. That makes it harder to apply intellect to the situation
The most beautiful story about life is the ability to show compassion and to love.The great thing because there is always an upside
to things is that you are more experienced now knowing that there are so many con artist out there. Build sound relationships in
person in the mean time the most profound relationship to work on is with one self.
Never give up on loving and trusting. -when you have that deep established relationship with yourself the Universe reveals to
you when you make a move and you do not.You are loving and open and trusting all beautiful qualities, Protect them- because
you see there are people who have ulterior motives- and they look for prey,Ask the Universe when you have your Me Time to
help you to discern when you should let your guard down,
You will become an expert- an soon all you will have to do is listen, with your discerning ear- not your heart.
Your okay. My friend the problem Is Not You, It is the people that make it their mission to drain others of their sweet goodness.
Ask the Universe to supply you and be comfortable sitting in this chair of trusting, patience, and most of all infused discernment
Loving Hugs- Showers of pure Energy Over you - always.<3
A lot of these so called ,military guys are scammers. They have a sick daughter, mother, son or someone and need money to travel from or to wherever they say their loved one is. Here where I live, these scammers call and say that a grandson or grand-daughter has been in a car wreck and money is need to treat them at a hospital, etc.
There are still some good guys out there. I must admit however, they may be few and far between, Don't give up, your knight in shining armor may still be on his way.
Thank you all for your kind words and concern. I am realizing this is in part my fault. Me opening up and sharing so very much of my life, experiences and myself has been a blinking road sign to these users. All they need to do is click and read... and there I was sad, lonely and untouched forever. How much did it take for them to realize I was a trusting, gullible fool who could easily be convinced?.... and then they moved in for the kill.
I do need to scale it back and stop reaching out and chatting to everyone. It is hard though because after feeling so empty, isolated and unwanted, it was nice to feel a part of a community. To all of you who truly are the warm, caring, kind souls who have been there for me... Thank You So Much.
Just a thought! Instead of punishing yourself,, Why not change the way you go about meeting friends of the opposite sex?
God Bless