When Trust has been Broken in the Past, Does it EVER really Return ????

I was thinking over " EVERYTHING " that My Boyfriend's put Me through in the Last 4 and a Half Years of Our ON Again OFF Again... MOSTLY OFF AGAIN... Dysfunctional / Toxic Relationship, and the subject of TRUST came up in My Thoughts as it OFTEN does concerning Him !There have been too many times to even count in Our Past, when He's LIED to Me ! A Pattern even seemed to be REPEATING itself where EVERY TIME I began to let My Guard Down, and Truly Believe EVERYTHING that He was telling Me.... that's just when I'd find out that MOST of it was a HUGE LIE !!!!! So AGAIN... I suppose it has to go back to " WHY have I taken Him back so MANY TIMES ?? "I don't have a simple Answer for that at the moment.For right now I was thinking about the Issue of TRUST . I try to TRUST HIM, but when Someone has LIED to You so many Times in the Past... HOW can You bring Yourself to completely TRUST them AGAIN ????I just don't know. I want to Trust Him.... but at the Same Time... I DON'T want to be " PLAYED THE FOOL ", yet again ! I'm sure You ALL know what I'm talking about.Last Night He was OUT ALL NIGHT LONG, and had a " STORY " of WHY He was out all that Time, BUT.... I have a nagging gut feeling that He may have LIED to Me about it. I wish I had a WAY somehow to find out FOR SURE if He told Me the Whole Truth about Last Night, OR NOT ! The Catch to this is that IF I DARED to do Something to try to check up on His Story IF He was to find out about Me checking up on Him, then there'd surely be HELL TO PAY !!!!!As it stands lately... for the Littlest of so-called " infractions " - for doing Something WRONG in His Eyes, or NOT doing it QUICK ENOUGH - He calls Me Very UGLY NAMES !!!!! Names like " STUPID BIT*H " , OR even " STUPID LAZY C*NT !!!! "He's called Me Names so much Lately that a couple of Times I broke down in TEARS, and told Him that " I WISH I had a Gun to blow My Brains OUT since then YOU'D BE HAPPY !!!!!!.... YOU'D BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME, SINCE I DO EVERYTHING WRONG !!!!! "BUT.... Before ANYONE jumps all over this statement, NO I'm NOT going to do ANYTHING STUPID ! I know that He's NOT worth hurting Myself over !!!!! Besides, I know what it would do to My MOM, and I would NEVER want to Hurt Her like that !I just wanted to let Everyone know in here how HATEFUL He is towards Me sometimes, and how MUCH His Verbal Abuse has been affecting Me !!!!! Being AFRAID of Him Physically Hurting Me during ONE of His RAGING FITS has been Bad Enough, but the " NAME CALLING " is something I'm also VERY SICK AND TIRED OF !!!! So as You can see.... I suppose taking into account what type of Man He is... and how He usually behaves with Me, and Others for that matter also.... You see exactly WHY I would have a Hard Time Trusting Him ! I better go for now.... He's been asleep for about Two and a Half Hours, and He may get up soon.. Once He gets up - probably around 12 Midnight, or so.... It'll be a sure bet that He'll want to get Online ! It's a SICK DOUBLE STANDARD that He applies to Our Relationship !!!!!.... It's OKAY for HIM to go ONLINE WHENEVER HE WANTS TO.... AND FOR HOWEVER LONG HE WANTS TO.... BUT FOR ME.... I'M " ALLOWED " TO GO ONLINE ONLY WHEN HE'S ASLEEP, OR OUT SOMEWHERE FOR A WALK... OR GONE TO THE STORE, OR TO AN A.A. MEETING !!!!! IS that FAIR , I ask You ?????? I sure as heck DON'T THINK IT IS !!!! ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S MY COMPUTER AFTER ALL !!!!!!