When Reality Finally Hits it Hurts even MORE.
The day will come for all of us going through the heartache of Divorce when we have to tell ourselvs " No amount of HOPE, PRAYERS, TEARS OR THERAPY is going to change the REALITY of our situation. No matter how much "Soul Searching" and "Deep inner Reflection" we do on ourselves to try to figure out " What went wrong" or "When was it Exactly that he just STOPPED LOVING ME" Trying to convince "OURSELVES" that if WE are willing to work on the problems everything will be OK. Here's the PROBLEM with that therory HE HAS TO BE WILLING TOO and When the day comes that YOU realize HE JUST DOESN'T WANT YOU OR THE FAMILY YOU CREATED TOGETHER ANYMORE. That is when REALITY finally punches you in the stomache. He has been gone almost 5 months now and I have been holding off on Lawyers and courts and living off of what I make and the little bit of money he gives me every month. I was under the 'HOPE" that a few months away from his family he is going to hit rock bottom and realize he made the biggest mistake of his LIFE and come crawling and begging back RIGHT? I mean that's what everyone tells us at first " He'll be back don't worry THEY ALL COME BACK BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS WHEN THEY REALIZE" Well for some of us that may never happen............
In fact that's exactly what is happening to me. He has NO SIGNS OF REMORSE IN FACT HE IS CONVINCED HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG AT ALL. He hasn't hurt the kids they will be fine, he hasn't hurt me it gets easier with time he said. Matter of fact he believes that HE DID ALL THIS TO HELP US??????? YOU'LL SEE ONE DAY YOU WILL REALIZE THIS WAS THE BEST THING FOR YOU. So starting NOW i'm not giving him one more second of MY TIME HE ALREADY HAD 22 YEARS OF MY TIME AND LIFE AND HE BLEW IT!!!!!! All the Attorney and court stuff is in order and HE will be served this week. It took ME awhile to get here and even though I am starting to feel a little of MY POWER COMING BACK it still hurts when that REALITY slaps you accross the face.
In fact that's exactly what is happening to me. He has NO SIGNS OF REMORSE IN FACT HE IS CONVINCED HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG AT ALL. He hasn't hurt the kids they will be fine, he hasn't hurt me it gets easier with time he said. Matter of fact he believes that HE DID ALL THIS TO HELP US??????? YOU'LL SEE ONE DAY YOU WILL REALIZE THIS WAS THE BEST THING FOR YOU. So starting NOW i'm not giving him one more second of MY TIME HE ALREADY HAD 22 YEARS OF MY TIME AND LIFE AND HE BLEW IT!!!!!! All the Attorney and court stuff is in order and HE will be served this week. It took ME awhile to get here and even though I am starting to feel a little of MY POWER COMING BACK it still hurts when that REALITY slaps you accross the face.
Replies
I am soooo glad to read this! You are on your way, now. Don\'t look back or you will stumble! Keep your eyes on the horizon -- and know there is a better life waiting for you!
I will be really glad when I can talk like this, I feel this way exactly, every word but I find it so hard to express myself like this. It has also been 5 months for me. How weird! So glad I read this.
I always think its so AMAZING how so many of us from one end of the country to another can be experiencing the same thing at the same time. Our emotions and pain, fear and anger, sadness and that terrible feeling of being all alone seems to go away a little when you know someone a million miles away is going through the same EXACT thing you are at the same time.
I agree. I was told by people since I was 13, when I fell in love with my s2bx, that he was self involved, and a user, but for THIRTY SEVEN years, I had my head in the sand. Even his own mother told me he was lacking in emotions, and never showed anyone love, decency, respect or kindness unless he got more from the action,------ but I was convinced I could love him enough to make him see what love/relationships were all about. Never has happened, and it\'s cost us both 25 years of being together to see that one person in a marriage can\'t love enough for both.... My s2bx must be the least sensitive person ever, as he just never has anything for anyone unless it\'s to his benefit. His immediate family won\'t even have anything to do with him, and he blames me with it, but they tell him repeatedly that HE made his own decisions, and even if I had \"ostricised\" him from them, he had the choice years ago to choose to be close to them, that I could not be blamed with his action of being nasty, only talking to them when it was for his benefit. Now, all he has is alcohol, bars, and whatever woman he can convince to listen to him for an hour or two before the \"poor me me me\" attitude comes out. I had a friend of his tell me last night that he just had totally started avoiding my ex totally, that he can\'t take any more lies, manipulation, and whining either.... He tells others that he has seen the error he made in leaving, but has not contacted me, stating \'His pride won\'t let him, but if I was to call and beg........ \"
Geez, I hope how soon the divorce is finalized, so I can move away and know he just won\'t show up and try the crap on me again. I have no more pity, resources or feeling at all for him. I actually don\'t even hate him, I just want to be left alone now. It\'s MY turn to take care of me, not a total narcissictic man. And by George, I\'m gonna have fun, and concentrate on making a new life with myslelf as the focus......