When life throws a curve ball

Usually men get cold feet about marriage their true love. This time I have the cold feet. After having a failed marriage, I had vowed that I would not get married until I feel I was ready. My current relationship we have talked about marriage. After meeting yesterday, cried in front of him and in his arms it made me realize that maybe I am ready. He has been very supportive on things. I joked around because I was scared. Way that I deal with being scared at things. During the conversation, I asked him what do you think about, his response in the last four months I have been thinking about marriage but you joke around. I told him because I am scared. Nothing like being in his arms and realize that he would be my future husband. I love him so much that I have never loved anymore as much as I do. I sit here cry, hurt, and cry more knowing that I hope I did not lose the man that I love. Ever since Sunday, my phone has his picture on it. I think more and more of my love for him. We do not get a lot of one and one time together. His schedule makes it rough. We try everything possible to make that happen. We are even happy somewhat to see each other for 30 minutes for lunch. I don't complain. Just wish it was longer. I go to work with him on the weekends to spend time together. That time that we are there, yes he is working but I get to see him work. He will take time to get lunch and we get our one and one alone. Nobody bothering us. Yes, again its a short time but we talk it. Being in his arms, melts everything away.
I do not now on what my life would be without him know. Since January, it has been such a great time. After three years of me having cold feet again. He is my everything. My boys love him to death. They are so worried about losing him that it makes them hurt.
All I can do is hold back my feelings until he calls. Crying, hurting, and not eating is killing the life out of me. The ring that I have I wear it more than ever. Just can't wear it to work. I will lose it. Its always with me as a reminder that I love this man. He always has the smile and look that makes things go away.
Please let me be happy again with the man that I love so much. A Man I want to call my husband. A man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. A man that comforts me in bad times. A man that I can hold and tell him, I love you babe. A man that I am so proud to be with. A man that has waited for so long for me to say yes, I will met up with you. A man that is understanding. A man that I can tell him everything. A man that is in my heart very handsome. More sexy when he dresses up. A man that I was scared to go on the dance floor and I was happy to be with him. A man that will sit there and sing you love songs.
All I can do is say I love you so much. I hope that we can more forward with our lives and put this behind us. Want to be able to call you my husband. Want to be able to get my health to where I would love to have a child to full term with you.
This week has been hell. At this point I am ready to move forward with you. I am ready to have a great life with you.
Love you babe.