when does the pain go away

today is my PTSD CPT but i am not feeling up to anything, very teary, thoughts invading my brain and i was partially sleepless last night crying hurting and ruminating. but who wants to fall asleep when a nihgtmare lurks around the corner or fear a night terror awakens me breathing on me but out of sight and touch juts enough to sense his presence. i am flirting with cancelling my appointment to hide here. it feels like time ticks away and i dont have enohu time to process things and get going in an hour or 2.  i cannot shake my daughter's cruel words and being blamed basically for what an assault and traumatic relationship did to me. she wants to live in the NOW and shove me aside with my ugly past, and she brings the ugly past to me to be friends with....so where is my happy NOW? or at least neutral Now, peaceful NOW ? i cannot lose my ground and deal with whats unbearable to me. fight, its useless, flight is the only option out to escape the past and dealing with my daughter's NOW which embraces my Past.