When does it end

My heart is hurting this morning as I read another members journal entry over the loss of a dear family membe. I wish I could take the place of his deceased brother and have my suffering over and done with. I have been sooo ready to go home for over the last 5 years as this disease has spread and it is not one that will go away unless God deems fit to heal me. Living with a feeding tube and having to be near a bathroom , and then having to have to nap so much really gets frustrating. Especially when you have a husband who still expects to be taken care of when you don't feel good and intamacy is the LAST thing you can deal with. If I happen  to have a good day he figures it's play time.I need a vacation but I don't have the funds to just go away for a few days. I'm hoping spmething will come through for me,