What would you do... surrogate ?
I was with a friend of mine at lunch today. She did IVF to get her baby while single. She didn't really have IF issue but did mc twice in the process so I feel very confortable talking to her to see what I should do with my issues and she really helped me decide what we should do next.
I've decided that I will try one more IVF cycle but this time will do a stimulated cycle. I figure I'll try again to get pregnant on my own but if I end up with a fourth mc in a row, I should stop trying to carry the baby myself. I figure with my odds with embries, I could get a couple of good quality frosties out of it.
Now my friend got my thinking that I'm probably ready to go ahead with a surrogate if I can figure out how to make it work. It's a lot of money (around 100k) but in the end, I would end up with my baby. Plus, I always feel very lucky to have been able to have my son on my own. Time Wise, if I have frosties, I would already be ready to go ahead with a surrogate.
I have to ask what you guys think about asking someone you know to be your surrogate ? If I had someone I know and trust, the cost would almost be zero and all the legal issues would be ok. That's a huge huge difference on our lives if we go ahead with it. I've had friends that would have done it if there pregnancies had been easier but I have no friends that had it easy. My sister and I have a really good relationship and are there for each other. I know if she was in my shoes, I would offer to be her surrogate. I have never wanted to talk to her about it because she is 34 and single. She would love to meet someone but has never been sure she wanted kids. She only started thinking she might be interested when I had my son.
Would you be able to ask a sister that's looking for a boyfriend and that doesn't have kids to be your surrogate ?
We are having a family weekend at the cottage to celebrate my upcoming birthday and I wonder if I should at least mention to her that I would like to find a surrogate and the cost involved. I would never want to impose but maybe if I at least talk about it a little she might want to discuss it.
IF is so complicated !
On a positive note, I finally got a positive OPK (7 days late) so all is not lost.
I've decided that I will try one more IVF cycle but this time will do a stimulated cycle. I figure I'll try again to get pregnant on my own but if I end up with a fourth mc in a row, I should stop trying to carry the baby myself. I figure with my odds with embries, I could get a couple of good quality frosties out of it.
Now my friend got my thinking that I'm probably ready to go ahead with a surrogate if I can figure out how to make it work. It's a lot of money (around 100k) but in the end, I would end up with my baby. Plus, I always feel very lucky to have been able to have my son on my own. Time Wise, if I have frosties, I would already be ready to go ahead with a surrogate.
I have to ask what you guys think about asking someone you know to be your surrogate ? If I had someone I know and trust, the cost would almost be zero and all the legal issues would be ok. That's a huge huge difference on our lives if we go ahead with it. I've had friends that would have done it if there pregnancies had been easier but I have no friends that had it easy. My sister and I have a really good relationship and are there for each other. I know if she was in my shoes, I would offer to be her surrogate. I have never wanted to talk to her about it because she is 34 and single. She would love to meet someone but has never been sure she wanted kids. She only started thinking she might be interested when I had my son.
Would you be able to ask a sister that's looking for a boyfriend and that doesn't have kids to be your surrogate ?
We are having a family weekend at the cottage to celebrate my upcoming birthday and I wonder if I should at least mention to her that I would like to find a surrogate and the cost involved. I would never want to impose but maybe if I at least talk about it a little she might want to discuss it.
IF is so complicated !
On a positive note, I finally got a positive OPK (7 days late) so all is not lost.
Replies
I would probably ask my sister but I have been told that here you can only use a surrogate that has a proven history of carrying to term and giving birth. Not sure how that works in Canada? I think its great you are thinking ahead and trying to formulate a new plan!! Xoxo
I have no clue about having given birth. Since I could donate one of my embries to her no problem, I always figure it would be ok. I\'ll have to talk to my RE after my next operation and see. It might be even harder than I thought.
I do think that the ideal surrogate has a \'proven uterus\'. But idk. I think with your sister you can certainly ask no matter her position but you have to be prepared and supportive if her answer is no. Especially given the circumstances I can understand it being really hard to be single and pregnant and pregnant but not getting to keep your first baby etc. I would encourage her to talk to someone besides you about the pros and cons of doing it, maybe a therapist or someone at the RE\'s office. It is a lot to take on. Have you considered going online and looking for a surrogate. On surromomsonline a lot of women match up with their surrogates and pursue independent agreements. I am not sure how this would go in Canada but a friend of mine had an amazing experience in the us after doing this this year. I think some women are really empowered by it- it enables them to be stay at home moms with some income, they love being pregnant etc. some i saw are army wives who\'s husbands are away a lot. Idk. Just thinking out loud. Either way since you are making such good quality embryos putting some in the freezer makes sense!
I would definitely mention it and see what happens. I know nothing about surrogates, so not much help there.
I think a stimmed cycle is good. You sound better. Hope you have a good weekend.
I feel I\'m all over the place. Needing an other operations has me spinning.
I\'m not even sure if I would even want her as my surrogate. I just figure I still have so many months ahead of me to think about all of it before I can even cycle.
It\'s illegal to pay someone in Quebec to be a surrogate.I can\'t find someone here unless it\'s a friend or familly but I will look into the states like you mention Kelly. I just know so littl and it\'s hard to find info here since it\'s illegal.
I would at least talk to your sister about the fact you need a surrogate. She may be a good sounding board for you even if she is not a good option. Plus she may know someone that knows someone that would do it. It crazy how hard the make getting a surrogate in Canada! I hope you can find someone to volunteer to do it for you if it comes to that so you do not have to pay the 100,000!
A couple of thoughts:
I would ask your sister if you feel you have a good relationship, but I\'m wondering if you should wait and do it another time. If for some reason she didn\'t want to do it, it could put a damper on the family get together.
*Could your relationship survive if she said no?
*What if she said yes and then she mc? What if you didn\'t like the way she took care of herself during a pregnancy? Would you blame her?
*What would other family think? Would your parents be supportive?
Sorry, these are tough questions. I know my IVF nurse strongly recommended a surrogacy agency because she said sometimes having family in the mix can be disasterous. Personally, I would have asked my sister if we were still doing IVF because we\'re very close.
I see your point and reasons for wanting to ask her. The main thing is to be open and honest and accepting of the other\'s viewpoint, even if the answer is no.
I would definitely mention that you\'re thinking of a surrogate to your sister and gauge her reaction. I wouldn\'t necessarily ask her the same day though. Let her think on it and see if she would offer. My sister is 34 going on 35 as well and sinks with no children (although she wants them)\'and after watching me struggle for two years offered to be my surrogate. Hopefully once your sister knows everything she will offer. After all, this is her future niece/nephew, she is invested as well. Once you tell her you are thinking surrogate, she would probably automatically think about herself, I just think it might be better to have her think about it on her own without feeling pressure for a bit. Then when you do approach her (if she doesn\'t approach you first) her answer is one she\'s thought about and is 100% comfortable with. Like GirlatHeart mentioned, I really hope she says yes, but would it hurt your relationship if she said no?
I say that first, prepare yourself for any way she might answer, and than if you can live with her potential reactions, talk with her. All you are doing right now is looking for information in order to decide on your next steps. I think all of the above advice sounds great. You have a tough situation! Good luck!