What was THAT?
I've been saying these words to myself alot this week....
You know that snowstorm that I burned all those calories on? Well the following day, I ATE. BIG TIME. My brain just seemed to shut off and I INHALED the food... so I went to the doctor Thursday for my annual check up and asked her "What WAS that?" and she said it was a SUGAR ADDICTION. BAM, hit me on the head.... THAT's why I have failed with my fitness goals in the past years - work out hard, INHALE chocolate shakes! In fact, knowing that's the reason, I asked her if there was any way, like eating breads, lol, to help counter act that and she was shaking her head with an exasperated look on her face as soon as the words started coming out of my mouth, lol. And so today, I am in FULL sugar withdrawal... dizzy, tired, CRAVING....
At the same time, she took my blood pressure. As I walked into the clinic I'd gotten an urgent message and it pissed me off... needless to say, my blood pressure was 150/120. Yep, since she saw me listening to the end of the message as I walked into the room, she said NEXT TIME it's up, I'm going on meds. For now though, she thinks it will be normal, especially once I get through this withdrawal....
AND THEN, lol... I ran to the bank on Friday. This is the bank where I keep the majority of my savings, in a different town, no debit cards, so that if I use the funds at all, I have to slow down and think... and I took out $500. Why $500? I don't know. I was on my way to an auction the next day and figured I'd only need $100 to $250. Since I only have the van and am limited on space in it, I was only going down for 2 things. A kennel and a cat tower that was brand new for my new business - to save me money. The max it should have cost was $250. And yet I still took out $500. What WAS that?!!!
And then that night (Friday), I dreamt about the X. For the first time, I didn't attack someone I loved who was deceased in my dreams. I dreamt that he was in a truck, pulling a camper similar to old gypsy wagons you'd see in old movies and he looked CONTENT...
And so, I'm on my way to the auction yesterday morning, running about an hour early with the thought of stopping downtown Rapid to check out one of my competitors to finish off that plan, and as I approached the exit for one of my OTHER competitors, I decided to turn off and check out the camper place too on the way. Immediately I saw a camper just like the one I'd seen during that soul searching drive. I got out, went over to see it and the door was locked, so I peeked in the windows - and all I saw was this HUGE SALE PRICE sign on the table - $2,000 less than the other camper. And because this camper store is cool with all the gadgets, like lighting, bike racks, gas fireplaces, etc. I SERIOUSLY only went in to wander around! I do that whenever I get down that way... And I wandered over to the popups which were all kept inside in the back. Two looked promising and were cheap, so I went over to the sales person to ask if they did financing on them, and what the payments would be. STILL, I had NO intention of actually buying.... But did I ask? NOOOOO, lol... I asked about the brand new one! And the payments were LOW. Still, I was ready to leave... but then asked for a key to see inside, lol...
Yep, I bought a brand new camper with that $500 as a down payment, lol. I pick it up May 4th - bike rack included, lol.
And so I went to the auction, lol... they were going through small stuff when I got there and on the way there I took a wrong turn and FOUND the other competitor by accident 2 blocks away. So I left the auction and went over to the competitor and they gave me a tour, a very well run kennel but it has pricing issues that will work to my benefit. And so I got back to the auction and bought the cat tower - which would have cost $250 if I'd bought it online; I got it for $90 - and the kennel was missing pieces and too small so I passed on it. But I got some other minor things including an office chair too. Total spent $117.00. The stuff BARELY fit in the van.
And on the way home PANIC hit. I'd just bought a camper! WHY did I buy a camper?!!! FEAR, I don't know why, but FEAR came flooding in....
Then I went to Church last night for the end of that "Broken" series.... a new one starts next week and it's called "Hold That Door", and it's about God opening doors in our lives.... and just as the service was starting they included a flyer that asked for volunteers to participate in a special event on May 5th to donate our time to help in the community and what should be on there? But a need to paint rooms in the Humane Society and to spread gravel in the outside kennels! I signed up...
And today, I got my answer on why I got that camper....
Cheryl Strayed's interview with Oprah was on again today... and the thing that stuck out was ACCEPTING and DISCOVERY. She talked about finding herself, talked about facing her fears, and I KNEW... the reason for the camper is to face my own. To prepare me for the future....
I have 3 tents in the house. Have used them since the divorce? Nope. Why not? FEAR. What would I have gained if I had used them? COURAGE, ACCEPTANCE, AND STRENGTH.... all the things I need to MOVE FORWARD.... But the insecurity of the tents (as in safety) was just too frightening for me....
And SO, God gave me more choices. In going for this camper, it opened a door to security that I NEEDED. The SECURITY that I have the INNER COURAGE, STRENGTH AND ABILITY TO ACCEPT, to keep going... And at the same time, as I visualize using it, I can SEE that COURAGE, ACCEPTANCE, STRENGTH... camped out alone in the forest... learning all over again how to grow... and from there, I see more CHOICES. Opening doors that God is placing in front of me.... none of them bad, just THERE to pick from, to discover more, to lead me into a purpose....
You know, when my grandparents passed away I heard someone say how when true love is involved the spouse usually passes away within 6 months to a year. I figured out today why that is.... FEAR of being alone is so strong and so scary I think it brings on it's own deadly stress...
But me? I'm READY to MOVE! LATER!
You know that snowstorm that I burned all those calories on? Well the following day, I ATE. BIG TIME. My brain just seemed to shut off and I INHALED the food... so I went to the doctor Thursday for my annual check up and asked her "What WAS that?" and she said it was a SUGAR ADDICTION. BAM, hit me on the head.... THAT's why I have failed with my fitness goals in the past years - work out hard, INHALE chocolate shakes! In fact, knowing that's the reason, I asked her if there was any way, like eating breads, lol, to help counter act that and she was shaking her head with an exasperated look on her face as soon as the words started coming out of my mouth, lol. And so today, I am in FULL sugar withdrawal... dizzy, tired, CRAVING....
At the same time, she took my blood pressure. As I walked into the clinic I'd gotten an urgent message and it pissed me off... needless to say, my blood pressure was 150/120. Yep, since she saw me listening to the end of the message as I walked into the room, she said NEXT TIME it's up, I'm going on meds. For now though, she thinks it will be normal, especially once I get through this withdrawal....
AND THEN, lol... I ran to the bank on Friday. This is the bank where I keep the majority of my savings, in a different town, no debit cards, so that if I use the funds at all, I have to slow down and think... and I took out $500. Why $500? I don't know. I was on my way to an auction the next day and figured I'd only need $100 to $250. Since I only have the van and am limited on space in it, I was only going down for 2 things. A kennel and a cat tower that was brand new for my new business - to save me money. The max it should have cost was $250. And yet I still took out $500. What WAS that?!!!
And then that night (Friday), I dreamt about the X. For the first time, I didn't attack someone I loved who was deceased in my dreams. I dreamt that he was in a truck, pulling a camper similar to old gypsy wagons you'd see in old movies and he looked CONTENT...
And so, I'm on my way to the auction yesterday morning, running about an hour early with the thought of stopping downtown Rapid to check out one of my competitors to finish off that plan, and as I approached the exit for one of my OTHER competitors, I decided to turn off and check out the camper place too on the way. Immediately I saw a camper just like the one I'd seen during that soul searching drive. I got out, went over to see it and the door was locked, so I peeked in the windows - and all I saw was this HUGE SALE PRICE sign on the table - $2,000 less than the other camper. And because this camper store is cool with all the gadgets, like lighting, bike racks, gas fireplaces, etc. I SERIOUSLY only went in to wander around! I do that whenever I get down that way... And I wandered over to the popups which were all kept inside in the back. Two looked promising and were cheap, so I went over to the sales person to ask if they did financing on them, and what the payments would be. STILL, I had NO intention of actually buying.... But did I ask? NOOOOO, lol... I asked about the brand new one! And the payments were LOW. Still, I was ready to leave... but then asked for a key to see inside, lol...
Yep, I bought a brand new camper with that $500 as a down payment, lol. I pick it up May 4th - bike rack included, lol.
And so I went to the auction, lol... they were going through small stuff when I got there and on the way there I took a wrong turn and FOUND the other competitor by accident 2 blocks away. So I left the auction and went over to the competitor and they gave me a tour, a very well run kennel but it has pricing issues that will work to my benefit. And so I got back to the auction and bought the cat tower - which would have cost $250 if I'd bought it online; I got it for $90 - and the kennel was missing pieces and too small so I passed on it. But I got some other minor things including an office chair too. Total spent $117.00. The stuff BARELY fit in the van.
And on the way home PANIC hit. I'd just bought a camper! WHY did I buy a camper?!!! FEAR, I don't know why, but FEAR came flooding in....
Then I went to Church last night for the end of that "Broken" series.... a new one starts next week and it's called "Hold That Door", and it's about God opening doors in our lives.... and just as the service was starting they included a flyer that asked for volunteers to participate in a special event on May 5th to donate our time to help in the community and what should be on there? But a need to paint rooms in the Humane Society and to spread gravel in the outside kennels! I signed up...
And today, I got my answer on why I got that camper....
Cheryl Strayed's interview with Oprah was on again today... and the thing that stuck out was ACCEPTING and DISCOVERY. She talked about finding herself, talked about facing her fears, and I KNEW... the reason for the camper is to face my own. To prepare me for the future....
I have 3 tents in the house. Have used them since the divorce? Nope. Why not? FEAR. What would I have gained if I had used them? COURAGE, ACCEPTANCE, AND STRENGTH.... all the things I need to MOVE FORWARD.... But the insecurity of the tents (as in safety) was just too frightening for me....
And SO, God gave me more choices. In going for this camper, it opened a door to security that I NEEDED. The SECURITY that I have the INNER COURAGE, STRENGTH AND ABILITY TO ACCEPT, to keep going... And at the same time, as I visualize using it, I can SEE that COURAGE, ACCEPTANCE, STRENGTH... camped out alone in the forest... learning all over again how to grow... and from there, I see more CHOICES. Opening doors that God is placing in front of me.... none of them bad, just THERE to pick from, to discover more, to lead me into a purpose....
You know, when my grandparents passed away I heard someone say how when true love is involved the spouse usually passes away within 6 months to a year. I figured out today why that is.... FEAR of being alone is so strong and so scary I think it brings on it's own deadly stress...
But me? I'm READY to MOVE! LATER!
Replies
Congratulations!!!! Your new camper sounds great! Try to include a picture of it when you get it! I never looked at my living in my camper on my own as a choice to over come a fear or to show strength and courage, but I guess that is what I am doing! Thanks for helping me see myself in a different way! That sugar addiction is hard to beat! Sorry you are having to deal with withdrawal, but it will end and then your suffering will show you a wonderful consequence! Lost weight!!!!! (((Hugs)))
Photos are up!
AND here\'s the plan: Payments for this are $125/mo. My house was a rental when I bought it, house next door is one too... Gas boom has hit and there are drillers renting the house next door and commuting each week to fields in North Dakota. SO, what that means is... if money is tight when I start this, I can rent out the house for $700 - $900 per month AT LEAST, making $200 to $400 profit, and pull the camper into the facility (all the buildings I\'ve looked at so far would work for this) and sleep in it, full facilities. This takes care of the fear of failing!
Withdrawal... dizzy, tired, but luckily no headache yet... got on the scale and lost another pound... lost more inches as well! :) It\'s worth it!!!
You are doing well. I wish I could come up with a solution for this farm. I like you r new toy very much.
I am glad you found the camper! It looks very nice and you sound so happy! Sounds like a plan. Sheryl S book on my to read list. All good things for you. HUGS
here\'s to your new camper!!!!! ;)