What Was I Thinking?

Keep getting checked and re-checked @ work, to the point I'm distracted & making mistakes...I dread anyone calling up for cust. service, now.  Naturally, they HAVE to call--I'm supposed to be helping them!  Yet, when I try to be rational/sensible/focused/caring, I'm just not fast enough in calls/hr.  So, that's bringing my group "time points" down & the head boss, too.  My co-workers are very kind & I will say that the folks who have been overseeing me have had good constructive criticism, but I seem to have become the "problem child" of the group, in terms of "needing watching." I am so disappointed in myself.  I tried for over 2 years to get a job in this place, for some work stability.  Granted, I wanted the receptionist job--seem to do that best, anyway--but it wasn't in the cards.  Beginning to think that this isn't, either.  I knew this position would take some re-adjusting,  but after 5 weeks, I am behind everyone else I "graduated" with, fr. training.   Plus, I seem to get very upset people who say I'm the 4th person they've called...then, the call drags on for 20 min., 40 min., up to 1.5 hrs. (that was one call on my OT, fr. Monday night).  I try very, very hard to keep them focused on "the issue(s)," offer sympathy and try to get them connected to the right info./direction, but it all seems to be taking too long... On the plus side, my overseers all say the same things:  I'm a great talker/listener, I sound confident (HA!  Not to MY ears!), and I really connect w/the people I'm speaking with. Trouble is, every call is supposed to go on for only 7.5 mins., not 10, 20, or whatever.   Mom and I were talking this A.M.--I was sched. for a dr. appt., so I didn't have to get up @ 4:30, today--& I told her that I would like to not be fired, but it's just looking like it's not going to be possible.  My Mom offered that that might be a blessing in disguise.  Well, maybe, but I told her I was getting up to the age where I was going to have to start making some things stick:  I can fish, or cut bait.  You get paid a lot more for fishing, and I would really LIKE to keep getting paid...I can't stand the thought of having to job hunt, all over again.... Plus, when I finally left for my dr. appt. this A.M., I get in there and they tell me that they can no longer take me, 'cause of my state ins.  I cannot even pay the dr. cash & forget the ins., so there goes my dr. of 12 years.  He saved my Mom's life w/emerg. surgery, years back, & I trust him, implicitly...everyone in town does!  So, I either buy Molina ins. to cover him, or pull up stakes and go elsewhere... The only thing keeping me up is that payday is supposed to be tomorrow.  Other than than, I  guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself...and, I can't fix that, just at the moment.