what to do?
My son Chris has a problem soiling his pants. He is seven, and has started having this problem shortly after we moved at the beginning of last summer. I don't understand why, and am running out of things to do about it. Half the problem is, I don't have alot of time to do anything about it. I see the kids - rush them rather, from when we get up at 6:30 to 7:30 when I drop them off at school, during which I am also getting them bathed, dressed, fed, cooperative, and for the boys, organized. Then from 2:15 to 2:30, while I pick them up from school and drive them to the parks and rec where they have afterschool (no school bus for anyone living under 2 miles to the school).then again from 6:15 when I get home until 9, when they go to bed, M - F. Home is not a sanctuary for me, there is chaos that needs constant intervention; it is the epitath of maxwell's law, so my time in the evening with them, exhausted as I am, is cooking, monitering the multitude of little friends that walk in the door to play, homework nightmares, the pull of their video games (my personal demon - T.V. screens are irrisistable, which is why I make no effort to get airwaves). Star charts haven't helped. Christopher could hardly care less about them, reward or no. The pediatrician suggested that some boys don't like sitting on the toilet, and that therefor he must everytime he goes. It hasn't had much results, working in the times that I've had him. I've tried ignoring him when he's stinky - but no one else will. I've yelled, threatened, spanked, given extra work, bribed, you name it, no results. Maybe its just Christopher, he is twice as stubborn as a mule, carefree and happy go lucky. Unbound by natural law. Unfortunately, his problem is hurting our family. If he poops in his pants one more time at the parks and rec, he is going to be kicked out. And with no one I trust or is willing to watch him on weekdays (I live in a bad neighborhood), either I've got to quit my job or leave him at home unsupervised except by his older brother and sister, who are too young to be unsupervised themselves. What can I do?
Replies
o hon, I wish I had something to tell you right now that would change your situation, but I\'m afraid all I can offer at the moment is a lot understanding and empathy. I struggle with my kids too, all the things you talked about, minus the soiling. Don\'t allow his soiling to make you quit your job. It sounds to me like he is doing this to try to have some sort of control, maybe. He realizes he has you over a barrel by doing this. Don\'t let him win. IMHO, I think he needs to suffer the natural consequences of his choice to soil his pants. Let him get kicked out of the rec park. (unless, are you saying that they are watching him for you there?). Make him help you with all his filthy laundry (if you can...I know what it\'s like to try to \"make\" a stubborn kid do something!). I know it is so hard to try to enforce anything with him right now b/c it just means more emotional work for you, and you are burned out already.
I know of a great website for parents. It\'s called CelebrateCalm.com. It\'s originally for ADHD kids and how to deal with them, but from what you say here, it sounds like you could benefit from a lot of what they say. I can\'t recall if your kids have it or not, but I think so, right? That site has helped me soooooo much to bring peace to our chaotic household, and the leader of it Kirk Marting, will even answer your email personally. He\'s wonderful.
Good luck, hon. And please, don\'t forget to take care of YOU too. Do something good for yourself, k? Promise me?
Hugs,
Debi