What to Do, What to Do?

I've been down for almost three days. I think I'm under tremendous stress and this is causing my pain. I actually forgot to take my Gaba last night and woke in agony, with spasms as well. I can take almost anything but the spasms on top of nerve and spinal pain. As a combination, this usually knocks me down. I am fighting it, took my Gaba and waited for it to kick in. It did, so I'm up. I will go for my walk today, hopefully unmedicated today. I had to medicate to do it yesterday. I know I feel better and my body is healthier if I get my walks in. I sleep at night, eat better and hydrate more due to our excessive heat. I am encouraged by this fact, though I would rather lay in bed and watch movies, this is detrimental to my overall well being. 
I am going to cancel my next doctor's appointment. If there is something wrong, let them call me. Perhaps this isn't exactly what is proper and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I didn't have an appointment but booked one anyways. Please reread last sentence. The doctor didn't say he wanted me back but I anticipated he would after the NCT on the 25th. I will have that test done and wait for them to call me if something is amiss. I am tired. I am worn out. I am overwhelmed. I am done, for now. I am in pain, without assistance, without an answer, but not without hope. I am not alone in this. I have all of you who read this post and I have God. 
I will persevere. I am, as my friends joke...the bionic woman, ha ha. The hardware I have in my spine holds me together. My faith holds the rest of me together . I have to choose a good life, I realize this now. I must decide what is best for me, what is good and true, what gives me joy and pleasure, comfort and hope. I am who I am...the list is long and good to read. Make one for yourself and see how much better you feel. I am not DDD and will not let it define me anymore. I am Darlene and I am strong. I have my bad days but they are not my overall life, only a bump in the proverbial road. Once over the bump, the journey continues and the sunsets and sunrises are gorgeous. Life is a road trip. Sometimes you have to stop for gas and sometimes you get gas from the diners along the way, Ha ha. Let the journey continue. I now have to do it from the driver's seat, not the passenger seat with DDD. I have to watch the gauges and top off the tank for the miles where there is no assistance. I am now in some semblance of control of how I manage this condition. DO NOT TELL ME THERE IS NO HOPE. I WILL FERVENTLY DISAGREE WITH YOU. You may tell me there is nothing more we can do. You may tell me pain management is the be all to end all. You may tell me what will happen to me now. You may flee my condition as so many others have done before you, thus fleeing the best friend you may ever have. You may take my words and pooh, pooh them as so much fodder for the pigs. You may ask yourself how you too can manage this when life seems too hard. I say WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER, OR ALONE...OUR CHOICE. I choose life, I choose hope, I choose to manage now as best I can, with or without you. I AM GOING TO BE OKAY.