What to do about Sleep?
Today was just a plain old normal day. I felt good, I went to work despite protest from my body who wanted to sleep all day, and got a ton of stuff done at work. My boss was still trying to catch up with all the work I did for her on Friday when she was gone, so I did work for another girl in the office. I did almost everything she printed for me except 2, and one of those places I called and they were already closed. The second one I didn't even try calling since it was late and they were probably closed as well. I just wanted to go home. When I'm at work and distracted, everything is good. I may not want to be there all the time, I may want to go home, but at least I'm out of the house and doing something. I feel pretty good. I have to do as my friend Andrea says and not give up. Some days I want to give up and just not go in to work, but I know I have to. I know it's the best thing for me. Some days, though, it's hard to get out of bed.
Today was kinda one of those days. I woke up early enough to get everything I needed done, but since I had a crappy night's sleep last night I decided that I was going to try and sleep more. Well, that was a mistake, since I ended up oversleeping. I need to be so much better about getting out of bed in the morning, and taking care of what needs to be done. I at least ate all my calories today, since Geo forgot to take chicken out of the freezer to defrost and we ordered pizza. I wanted Chinese, but he wanted pizza and he was the one paying, so he got the final word. I say my mood was good today since I did everything I had to do and at work I was having a good time, but the morning was rough. Mornings are a hard time for me, trying to get out of bed and find something to do. I know I can go online, but it's not something I feel like doing first thing in the morning.
I just need to do something to make being in bed seem uncomfortable after a certain time. Maybe take a shower and lie back down so the bed gets wet and my pillow is cold. I try not to do that in the morning because I want to lie back down. I get dressed and then lie down lol. I don't know... Geo has said that he would douse me with water if I didn't get out of bed on certain days when I should (on the days when the depression is really bad), but he's sleeping most of the time when I wake up and need to get out of bed. I've realized it doesn't matter if he's awake or asleep, I just don't want to get out of bed. I used to blame him for me not wanting to get out of bed, but I know now it's my fault. He got up about the same time I woke up this morning, but I didn't want to get out of bed. I stayed in bed for a while and got up for some things, but still.
Some people would call me lazy, but I think it's depression more than anything else. I just want to be in bed and be alone from the world, in my own place where I feel safe. Sleep is a safe haven for me, my bed is my safe place, so I want to be in those places as much as I can when I'm depressed. Not just at night, but during the day as well. I have to be careful, though, with my sleep because too much of it just makes me more depressed. I have been getting about 13 hours of broken sleep. Last night I went to sleep around 11, and then I woke up at 12:30am and didn't fall back asleep until after 2:30. I then slept until noon when I woke up. I think I woke up around 10am but decided to go back to sleep. That was my mistake. I should have woken up then and just gone online and stuff until it was time for me to go to work. Or even go for a walk.
Food today was okay... I met my calories, but with pizza and garlic rolls. Tomorrow is going to be party day at work, so I'm going to meet my calories for the day for sure. Hopefully the turkey will be good. I will try and wake up on time and go for a walk before work to help burn the calories I'm going to eat. I'm stuck at a plateau of 234 pounds, but that's okay. I wanted to be under 235 by the end of the month, so if I stay where I'm at then it's not going to be a problem. I've been between 232 and 234 for a couple weeks now, and I'm okay with that. At least the scale isn't going up higher. I've lost 20 pounds since May, and that's something to be proud of. Thanks to Spark People giving me the motivation I need to lose weight! Stress today was moderate... the depression was getting the best of me at times. Sleep like I said above was broken, and overall mood was good.
Today was kinda one of those days. I woke up early enough to get everything I needed done, but since I had a crappy night's sleep last night I decided that I was going to try and sleep more. Well, that was a mistake, since I ended up oversleeping. I need to be so much better about getting out of bed in the morning, and taking care of what needs to be done. I at least ate all my calories today, since Geo forgot to take chicken out of the freezer to defrost and we ordered pizza. I wanted Chinese, but he wanted pizza and he was the one paying, so he got the final word. I say my mood was good today since I did everything I had to do and at work I was having a good time, but the morning was rough. Mornings are a hard time for me, trying to get out of bed and find something to do. I know I can go online, but it's not something I feel like doing first thing in the morning.
I just need to do something to make being in bed seem uncomfortable after a certain time. Maybe take a shower and lie back down so the bed gets wet and my pillow is cold. I try not to do that in the morning because I want to lie back down. I get dressed and then lie down lol. I don't know... Geo has said that he would douse me with water if I didn't get out of bed on certain days when I should (on the days when the depression is really bad), but he's sleeping most of the time when I wake up and need to get out of bed. I've realized it doesn't matter if he's awake or asleep, I just don't want to get out of bed. I used to blame him for me not wanting to get out of bed, but I know now it's my fault. He got up about the same time I woke up this morning, but I didn't want to get out of bed. I stayed in bed for a while and got up for some things, but still.
Some people would call me lazy, but I think it's depression more than anything else. I just want to be in bed and be alone from the world, in my own place where I feel safe. Sleep is a safe haven for me, my bed is my safe place, so I want to be in those places as much as I can when I'm depressed. Not just at night, but during the day as well. I have to be careful, though, with my sleep because too much of it just makes me more depressed. I have been getting about 13 hours of broken sleep. Last night I went to sleep around 11, and then I woke up at 12:30am and didn't fall back asleep until after 2:30. I then slept until noon when I woke up. I think I woke up around 10am but decided to go back to sleep. That was my mistake. I should have woken up then and just gone online and stuff until it was time for me to go to work. Or even go for a walk.
Food today was okay... I met my calories, but with pizza and garlic rolls. Tomorrow is going to be party day at work, so I'm going to meet my calories for the day for sure. Hopefully the turkey will be good. I will try and wake up on time and go for a walk before work to help burn the calories I'm going to eat. I'm stuck at a plateau of 234 pounds, but that's okay. I wanted to be under 235 by the end of the month, so if I stay where I'm at then it's not going to be a problem. I've been between 232 and 234 for a couple weeks now, and I'm okay with that. At least the scale isn't going up higher. I've lost 20 pounds since May, and that's something to be proud of. Thanks to Spark People giving me the motivation I need to lose weight! Stress today was moderate... the depression was getting the best of me at times. Sleep like I said above was broken, and overall mood was good.
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