What they were doing
I am so happy to hear that Joanie's Douglas was finding some serenity, his center. I need to remember that Andy was also on a very positive trajectory BEFORE the cancer hit. That fall of 2008 after having been homeless for over a year, (couch-surfing, living in toolsheds...) and taken a Greyhound bus across the country, he had finally gotten a job in a funky coffee house, met a bunch of steady-working guys (who were also musicians) and found an apartment.
He had saved up enough money for the deposit and first month's rent: first time ever. AND he had a new girlfriend he was so in love with -- Lillian, the drummer in a great girl band. (Confusion management: he had met Heidi years before but they were out of touch at this point.)
He had just moved all his stuff in, and then came to Maine for New Year's and my wedding, during which his headache was just unbearable... but he wouldn't take any aspirin or tylenol. When he got back to Oakland he stayed one night with his girlfriend... and was taken to the hospital the next day.
He never got to sleep one night in the new apartment. Brain cancer, surgery, getting moved from California to Maine in the middle of the winter, basically never getting the life he was so ready to live... This is one of the saddest stories I ever heard. I guess this is what we all have in common as parents of kids who died so young. They never had............ so much.
Again, however, I like to remember how he WAS pulling his life together before all hell broke loose.
Love, Sarah
He had saved up enough money for the deposit and first month's rent: first time ever. AND he had a new girlfriend he was so in love with -- Lillian, the drummer in a great girl band. (Confusion management: he had met Heidi years before but they were out of touch at this point.)
He had just moved all his stuff in, and then came to Maine for New Year's and my wedding, during which his headache was just unbearable... but he wouldn't take any aspirin or tylenol. When he got back to Oakland he stayed one night with his girlfriend... and was taken to the hospital the next day.
He never got to sleep one night in the new apartment. Brain cancer, surgery, getting moved from California to Maine in the middle of the winter, basically never getting the life he was so ready to live... This is one of the saddest stories I ever heard. I guess this is what we all have in common as parents of kids who died so young. They never had............ so much.
Again, however, I like to remember how he WAS pulling his life together before all hell broke loose.
Love, Sarah
Replies
I understand, Jeremy had finally picked a path and had been accepted to the ATC school, he was supposed to go the weekend of Easter, but because of the holiday they called and needed to push back his arrival date. He died the next weekend. He had been living at the House of Hope, a shelter run by the church, in exchange for room and board the men worked for the landscape company that the minister owned. He was on his was back from mowing a yard when he had the crash. Hugs my friend, Angela
yes, all that they could have been and had in the future that is not to be. My son was actively working with a Rabbi, Rev Zelig Pliskin, an author and Yaakov was assisting him in a new concept of Happiness Clubs. they were like brothers to eachother and this is the Rabbi who called and told us of Jake\'s death and buriel.
My young son, Will, is visiting the grandchildren in Israel, today. Just sent some photos and a little video, of them. we\'ve all lost so much.
It is so unfair. Lisa was getting it together too. She and her husband were just getting somewhat financially secure (they had come close to losing their house). She never got to enjoy the life she worked so hard to attain. Instead she got sick, had surgery and died.
You are so right. They never had.... they never got to fulfill their potential.
Hugs and prayers,
Marlene - Lisa\'s Mum
Dear Sarah,
I feel much the same way about Jon. We both had artistic sons who moved across the country and who often struggled to find their path. Jon was older than Andy but he was set back by years of depression until he was able to find a med that really helped. He was just on his way, finally wanting very much to live (while earlier he sometimes felt self destructive). When he found out he had cancer, he knew he had limited time but wanted to move back east and use what time he had to continue writing and making art and to get his work in some order. It turned out he had much less time that we hoped and he never made it back east. Its so very sad. But he did find some happiness and that\'s something to hold onto. Love, Linda
i feel mute in the face of all that is expressed here, but I just want to say that I am humbled by your loss, pain, and experiences.
may comfort come to you....and love....
Dear Sarah,
My heart hurts now for you, Andy, myself Tara Lynn, she worked sooooo hard and was just on the cusp of....
never to be.
I love her. Gale Sue, Tara Lynn\'s mommy
I am so sorry for your loss of Andy, a fine example of a man who went from hitting bottom to working his way back up with determination and love. I wish I had the words to make it better but can only send a hug. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
When I say he was homeless, of course we know he always had dear old mum and dad and their houses for shelter. But he didn\'t want to live with the \'rents, and we couldn\'t just send him hundreds of dollars a month for milk and cookies (i.e. beer and weed) when he really needed to find his own independent spirit. I think at one point he thought about dealing weed, but I am relieved to say that he couldn\'t get up enough cash for the start-up. Too complicated for him, lol.
Holy moley, isn\'t it SO hard to let kids find their own way and not rescue/enable/support to a fault, out of love? I like to think I supported with love and confidence rather than money. But whew. :o)
This entry hits home - Nic had just found his niche too and it was all gone in an instant. He was SO happy, so content, so ready to go out and start his life........so painful, isn\'t it?
Alex had just graduated college and his sweetheart was pregnant...
My son was happy getting his life in order or trying. He was laid off couldn\'t find a job right away. Tried unemployment, living w/ his girlfriend who was pregnant with their baby boy. He stayed home took care of Katelyn (Taras daughter from ex husband) It was Christmas time he & his dad went shopping bought Tara a beautiful present. The Next morning Tara woke up and he was not breathing...
It seems strange just when something is looking up (the best it could) something really bad happens. SUCKS !!!
sending you hugs: Penny
Yes, we have to focus (sometimes force ourselves) on what they were able to do and accomplish in such a short time. Too short for sure. Love to you. Robin
Dear Sarah, While all of our stories are so unique there often is a common thread that connects all our children.Maybe its just the foolishness of youth. We were allowed more time to grow older & wiser. Eddie had been unsettled & trying to deal with depression for years (not always in the best ways)since the love of his life ended their relationship 10 years ago after 12 years & 2 children. About a year before he passed he stated to me that he was making baby steps toward a happier, healthier life. He was dating & had an appreciation for his job. He continued to find the most joy in time spent with his children & had even visited a counselor. But, after only 1 year of moving into a happier self, he was truck down by a heart attack. I do thank God that he was a bit happier in the last year of his life. Understanding, peace & love to you, Linda