What the actual f.....
It's been a long time since I've been active on this site. I thought I was okay and that I had received all the support I needed from these amazing people here... but God was I wrong. I've gotten some bad news since then. I have achieved my goal of finding my own place and getting settled in. I like living alone, it's peaceful and I have the space I need to rebuild who I am. On the flip side of the coin.... I get lonely. A lot. I have friends who I reach out to but I constantly feel like I'm a burden to them or that I don't need to be airing my dirty laundry to them. It's so difficult to go from having a constant partner to lean on to standing on your own two feet. I know how childish that sounds but it is a realization that has hit me hard since being here.
Divorce still hasn't even been filed. Neither one of us can afford it. I'm literally living on a count every single penny to get by basis. I'm okay with this because I am doing it for me. But I'm ready to have that connection to him cut free. I've posted on here before how I was sickened and offended by the things my ex had posted on social media and am proud to say I finally deleted him and have little to no interest in looking at what he posts anymore. But I can't shake the loneliness....
I've made changes in my life to try and make it better. I am at the heaviest I've ever been so I've joined a gym and am attempting to make myself as beautiful outside as I believe I can be inside. I've found pleasure in my hobbies and in the friends I do see. I work with a full and strong heart. But I'm already getting those images of romance and love again... It's too soon but God I miss human contact so badly. So badly. I knew it would be hard... but this is near to unbearable. So. I went to my doctor and after a discussion.... I'm attempting a natural supplement to help elevate my moods. I want to be better. I want to be happy. I want to not feel like I'm this sad, pathetic burden on my friends or family. I want to hate my ex for making me into this person. So I'm back.
Divorce still hasn't even been filed. Neither one of us can afford it. I'm literally living on a count every single penny to get by basis. I'm okay with this because I am doing it for me. But I'm ready to have that connection to him cut free. I've posted on here before how I was sickened and offended by the things my ex had posted on social media and am proud to say I finally deleted him and have little to no interest in looking at what he posts anymore. But I can't shake the loneliness....
I've made changes in my life to try and make it better. I am at the heaviest I've ever been so I've joined a gym and am attempting to make myself as beautiful outside as I believe I can be inside. I've found pleasure in my hobbies and in the friends I do see. I work with a full and strong heart. But I'm already getting those images of romance and love again... It's too soon but God I miss human contact so badly. So badly. I knew it would be hard... but this is near to unbearable. So. I went to my doctor and after a discussion.... I'm attempting a natural supplement to help elevate my moods. I want to be better. I want to be happy. I want to not feel like I'm this sad, pathetic burden on my friends or family. I want to hate my ex for making me into this person. So I'm back.
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