What Song Do You Feel Like Today

maybe this thread is why i'm so focussed on music today. i just woke up from a strange and wonderful and horrible dream. i'm pretty sure at this point it's the lamictal, but i'm not complaining. i wish this deam was real though, then again, i can't imagine anything good coming from such a scenario in real life.  i dreamed i was in a house. a cozy, quaint little place kinda set up like the first house we lived in together  a small dining room on the right off the short foyer, a living room in the middle and a bedroom or two down the hall on the left.  it was i was in the living room on a couch in front of an empty fireplace watching the gloaming fade away through the window panels on either side of the front door. when it was fully night i went down the hallway to the very last bedroom, set up like the bedroom my sister shares with her boyfriend. my ex was there folding things into a suitcase and the room was really brightly lit with tall lamps. it was also very messy-clothes were slung everywhere but they didn't belong to my ex. they were really bright and colourful: dresses and bolero jackets and stilletto heels were cast all around. my ex gave me this really sad smile and said: i'm coming home to take care of you. i never wanted you to feel so alone and i'm so sorry i hurt you. i was so glad about that part, so happy we were going to be together again, and we started talking and laughing and it was just like before except we had so many new stories to share and new experiences and it was a little bit like falling in love all over again. but after a while this beautiful woman saunters in and she's tall and sultry, and wearing fantastic makeup and i know the clothes in the room belong to her. she went around the other side of the bed and kisses my ex and says i'll see you when you get done with the basketcase honey. and then i knew it was all a lie, that it was pity and a strange and ridiculous kind of intervention. and i didn't want to be a part of anything so fake. i just started crying and the beautiful woman comes back around the bed and pats me on the shoulder with a little smirk-it was so triumphant and so effing condescending at the same time. i didn't want her touching me. i didn't want to talk to either of them or see them anymore so i punched her right in the face and ran out of the room.  back in the living room i curled up in a corner of the couch and cried and cried, but i never made a sound. and then it was twilight again and my best friend comes into thr room with this thick heavy counterpane and wraps it around my shoulders. she tipped my head up and had the same sad smile and brushed my tears away. i'll be right back she said standing and going into the bedroom down the hall. she closed the door and i could hear low murmuring. but she never came back and night fell again, and i cried again. it felt like hours and hours and i wass all alone there, wrapped up but cold, and still so alone because i knew i'd been forgotten and that none of them really cared at all. i woke up then and i knew what song i felt like today. since then i've been crying and thinking bad thoughts, about cutting, about never waking up ever again--feeling very alone and abandonned; very ugly and worthless. i really really wish i could skate away. so today i feel like: It's coming on Christmas They're cutting down trees They're putting up reindeer And singing songs of joy and peace Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on But it don't snow here It stays pretty green I'm going to make a lot of money Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly I wish I had a river I could skate away on I made my baby cryHe tried hard to help me You know, he put me at ease And he loved me so naughty Made me weak in the knees Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away onI'm so hard to handle I'm selfish and I'm sad Now I've gone and lost the best baby That I ever had I wish I had a river I could skate away on Oh, I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly I wish I had a river I could skate away on I made my baby say goodbye It's coming on Christmas They're cutting down trees They're putting up reindeer And singing songs of joy and peace I wish I had a river I could skate away on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCov0TYXBp8