What Should I DO ?????!!!!!!

I hate to admit this, but as TERRIBLE as My BF is... as BAD as the ABUSE is... for several things I've become Dependent on His Help ! I HATE admitting that to Myself, especially since I know deep down that I really NEED to get Him OUT OF MY LIFE... AND FOR GOOD THIS TIME !!!! I WISH I didn't have BAD KNEES ! IF I wasn't disabled, then I'm sure Things would be different.... since then I wouldn't need His Help for getting the Mail Each Day, as well as taking the Garbage out, and even helping out with the Laundry. I can do Laundry, it's just difficult since it involves some standing, and standing or walking are both things that involve a LOT of EXTREME Pain for Me ! BUT... I suppose when I look at how much I put up with, and deal with, because of HIM, dealing with some Extra Pain while I'm doing some Laundry wouldn't be such a terrible thing. I just don't know.... I know I can't keep on like this ! I can't keep living with the ABUSE, and pretending to Myself that TOMORROW will be BETTER SOMEHOW ! TOMORROW with HIM has NEVER been BETTER ! I know this for a FACT, and Yet I keep on Day after Day being Insulted, Yelled at, and at Times... whenever some LITTLE THING has Upset Him... HIT BY HIM !WHY do I keep letting Him do this to ME ? AM I an " ABUSE JUNKIE " as My so-called BEST FRIEND called Me the Other Day in an IM ?! I've been Friends with Him since HIGH SCHOOL ! HOW could a Friend like that be SO COLD ??!!! He knows what My BF has been putting Me through, and wants Me to get RID OF HIM RIGHT AWAY, but He just doesn't get that it's NOT that EASY for Me !The Thing is He knows that I've taken My BF back TOO MANY TIMES.I'm sure He's never understood that. But after all, HOW can I expect my Best Friend to understand that, when I don't even truly understand it ! All I really know for sure is that I'm SICK OF BEING MY BF'S PUNCHING - AND KICKING - BAG ! ( YES, I did say ' KICKING ' Bag, because NOT ONLY has He used His FISTS on Me at Times, there's been many occassions where He's KICKED ME while I've been sitting in my recliner.... He'd KICK My LEG or LEGS, and possibly My ANKLE - or ANKLES, TOO ). Just TODAY He went BESERK over NOTHING !He flew into a RAGE before I even had much of a chance to realize what was happening, and He charged at Me with a medium size thick plastic bowl from the Kitchen.He swung it at Me at least 3 Times ! The ONLY Way He Missed My FACE was because I instinctively held My Right Arm up to block His blows ! PLUS... it didn't even End there, because He threw a FIT when I didn't pour out what was left in a 2-Liter Soda Bottle quick enough, and He grabbed it from My Hands, and started Hitting Me with that ! He got My Right Arm with that too, because just like with the Plastic Bowl I held My Right Arm up to block Him hitting My FACE !!!! After He had Hit Me with the 2-Liter bottle, He tried to throw it at Me..  HARD... when I had moved into the Kitchen. He MISSED ME, and Hit a Crystal bowl I had up on the Kitchen Counter ! It shattered... spraying Glass Everywhere !Part of the Glass cut my left arm a LITTLE bit... I'm very lucky it was just a couple of very minor cuts. He cleaned up the Glass, while STILL YELLING CRUEL THINGS AT ME ! After He finished cleaning up His Destruction, He stormed into the Bedroom... changed His Clothes... put His Shoes on... and Went for a Walk. I SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE COPS ON HIM ! BUT I DIDN'T ! AM I NUTS ????? I feel ashamed right now at Myself for NOT calling the Cops. I KNOW that He would have DESERVED to go to JAIL for HURTING ME YET AGAIN ! BUT.... a Part of Me, I guess hesitated too much.... and convinced the LOGICAL PART of My Brain to NOT make the Call ! I don't know.... I'm so HURT emotionally, as well as being Hurt again physically because of the NEW Bruises I'll have from Today ! I don't know what to do.... as NUTS as that sounds. It sounds NUTS to ME even while I'm typing it ! I guess I'm scared to have Him go... IN A WAY... because that'll mean that I'd have to find Someone Else to help Me with Those Things that HE helps Me with. I suppose that'd be a VERY SMALL PRICE to PAY for being FREE finally of the ABUSE, though. I just HATE to have to ASK Someone Else for HELP. PRIDE is an awkward thing sometimes, I think. It can make You do things that don't seem very rational. But as I sit Here... with a NEW BIG PURPLE BRUISE showing up on my Right Arm from earlier Today... I KNOW I've GOT TO DO SOMETHING ! I guess it'd be MUCH BETTER to FACE MY FEAR of being ALONE AGAIN, and having to ASK SOMEONE ELSE FOR HELP, THAN TO KEEP ON BEING HURT.... EMOTIONALLY, AND PHYSICALLY.... WHENEVER HE SEES FIT !!! HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME ???? AFTER Everything had ' calmed down ' - so to speak, I even mentioned to Him about Him HITTING ME with the Plastic Bowl, and HE DENIED IT EVEN HAPPENED !!! I told Him that He must have not even realized what He was doing then, and His ONLY REPLY back was something like... " WHATEVER BIT*H ! "..... in other words, accusing Me of MAKING IT UP ! WHY on EARTH would I make up something like that ???? I wouldn't, of course, but there's NO POINT in trying to REASON with HIM ! REASON, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING, AND EVEN TRUE CARING, NONE OF THAT IS IN HIS VOCABULARY... I think ! Right now He's ASLEEP !... taking a Nap for awhile. He made a POINT of WARNING ME before He went into the Bedroom, that DINNER MUST BE COOKED AND READY, BEFORE HE'S UP FROM HIS NAP ! HE PRETTY MUCH WARNED ME THAT IF IT'S NOT, THEN HE'LL BE AN EVEN BIGGER ASS THAN HE WAS EARLIER BECAUSE OF IT !!!!!HOW DARE HE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT !AS IF I'M HIS SLAVE !  I have to wonder if even a SLAVE would get treated as BADLY as I get treated ! I don't know.... I almost WISH He would STAY ASLEEP FOREVER, but then I'd have to get someone to move Him OFF of MY BED ! hahaha... !!! Don't misunderstand Me, though... even though I just made a small sarcastic Joke, I am in a LOT of Extreme Emotional Distress right now. I don't want to continue like this. I don't... I can't. THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE !