What’s the point

I had a shunt revision on October 16

ill hate that date forever 

what I thought was a simple procedure left me in shambles, pieces, destroyed. 

It was like hoping in a time machine, rewind 16 years to when I had my shunt placed in. 

I woke up scared, alone, and angry. This time I woke up hopeful only to be crushed a few weeks later.

i started to feel hopeless, depressed, alone, terrified and I wanted to end it all.

why? Who knows

i think it triggered old memories that I can’t bury 

here I am broken beyond belief trying to swim against the current but secretly wishing it just take me, far into the deep dark blue sea. 

Ive been lonely before but never this kind of lonely 

it sucks to feel like this overwhelmed by so many unwanted feelings.... wish they’d stop calling my mind a home and leave me alone.

to anyone else who has hydro and battles with depression, damn how do you do it? It’s hard as hell and no one speaks about it or gets it

✌