what's holding me back

I have been working hard. I can't find enough work to stay busy everyday, but I try. I get tired at the end of the day. It's not that I give up on stuff but I am so lethargic.
I know what I need to do or what I want to do but I just can't seem to get any of it done.
Paperwork.   I am self employed so I should keep track of the business, bills, profits (and losses). I have a degree in business and I never go in the office to pay bills except when I have money (sometimes, but I do my splurging first).
Money.      I am terrible at watching my money. I spend a little here and there till I am nearly broke.
Business growth.   I used to run a good company, two in fact, and I was used to having money. I could be well off if I managed it properly before Katrina.   But now I keep flip flopping on what direction to go. Get a 9-5er. Sell this equipment and buy something else, or keep plugging away at what I'm doing hoping things will get better.
Personal growth.   I can't remember things! Dates, names, stories from my past, all just seem to vanish. Sports scores, team standings? Forget it! I could read a good story in the morning and not remember enough to tell the story by the afternoon. How I am going to get passionate about something and grow if I can't retain information.
Romantic interests.   I am the guy that girls call thier best friend. WTF? I have girl friends because they are not intimidating. But even that is all in my head. I am strong I don't look like a wimp. I have a fear of confrontation. I never got in fights growing up so I am unsure if I can handle myself if a fight gets started. So I shy away from the people that that would happen with... guys. Growing up, my family was very quiet, pacifists, non-confrontational. So there are a lot of social skills I never learned.
I wish I had a woman who can be my other half. Having a girlfriend means a lot to me and I try too hard to find love. But that just seems to backfire on me. Also, I am attracted to the wrong kind of woman. I am looking to them for excitement, I want her to be popular to make me popular by association.
I am not expecting anyone to help. As much as I want it, I have found out that it will never come.



Nolaguy, thanks so much for opening up to us and getting to know the real \"you\". Life is hard and brings a monkey wrench of things. I too am non confrontational, growing up kids were very cruel to me and its made me a strong person that I am today (not that strong, have you read my journal lately?). Whatever the case, you will get through things. Drop me a line if you just want to vent, I am here for you. DS is all about helping eachother get through things. Hope to hear from you soon.

Take it from me don\'t got for Mrs Party Hardy. Cause that\'s not you. Yeah, it\'s fun but becomes a real drag real quick. I think you need to find someone who is there for you. someone you can be comfortable around. She is out there you will find her.

You are like Louisanna. You are just have a couple of real tough years busisness wise. It will come to you. You just need to focus.