what's holding me back
I have been working hard. I can't find enough work to stay busy everyday, but I try. I get tired at the end of the day. It's not that I give up on stuff but I am so lethargic.
I know what I need to do or what I want to do but I just can't seem to get any of it done.
Paperwork. I am self employed so I should keep track of the business, bills, profits (and losses). I have a degree in business and I never go in the office to pay bills except when I have money (sometimes, but I do my splurging first).
Money. I am terrible at watching my money. I spend a little here and there till I am nearly broke.
Business growth. I used to run a good company, two in fact, and I was used to having money. I could be well off if I managed it properly before Katrina. But now I keep flip flopping on what direction to go. Get a 9-5er. Sell this equipment and buy something else, or keep plugging away at what I'm doing hoping things will get better.
Personal growth. I can't remember things! Dates, names, stories from my past, all just seem to vanish. Sports scores, team standings? Forget it! I could read a good story in the morning and not remember enough to tell the story by the afternoon. How I am going to get passionate about something and grow if I can't retain information.
Romantic interests. I am the guy that girls call thier best friend. WTF? I have girl friends because they are not intimidating. But even that is all in my head. I am strong I don't look like a wimp. I have a fear of confrontation. I never got in fights growing up so I am unsure if I can handle myself if a fight gets started. So I shy away from the people that that would happen with... guys. Growing up, my family was very quiet, pacifists, non-confrontational. So there are a lot of social skills I never learned.
I wish I had a woman who can be my other half. Having a girlfriend means a lot to me and I try too hard to find love. But that just seems to backfire on me. Also, I am attracted to the wrong kind of woman. I am looking to them for excitement, I want her to be popular to make me popular by association.
I am not expecting anyone to help. As much as I want it, I have found out that it will never come.
I know what I need to do or what I want to do but I just can't seem to get any of it done.
Paperwork. I am self employed so I should keep track of the business, bills, profits (and losses). I have a degree in business and I never go in the office to pay bills except when I have money (sometimes, but I do my splurging first).
Money. I am terrible at watching my money. I spend a little here and there till I am nearly broke.
Business growth. I used to run a good company, two in fact, and I was used to having money. I could be well off if I managed it properly before Katrina. But now I keep flip flopping on what direction to go. Get a 9-5er. Sell this equipment and buy something else, or keep plugging away at what I'm doing hoping things will get better.
Personal growth. I can't remember things! Dates, names, stories from my past, all just seem to vanish. Sports scores, team standings? Forget it! I could read a good story in the morning and not remember enough to tell the story by the afternoon. How I am going to get passionate about something and grow if I can't retain information.
Romantic interests. I am the guy that girls call thier best friend. WTF? I have girl friends because they are not intimidating. But even that is all in my head. I am strong I don't look like a wimp. I have a fear of confrontation. I never got in fights growing up so I am unsure if I can handle myself if a fight gets started. So I shy away from the people that that would happen with... guys. Growing up, my family was very quiet, pacifists, non-confrontational. So there are a lot of social skills I never learned.
I wish I had a woman who can be my other half. Having a girlfriend means a lot to me and I try too hard to find love. But that just seems to backfire on me. Also, I am attracted to the wrong kind of woman. I am looking to them for excitement, I want her to be popular to make me popular by association.
I am not expecting anyone to help. As much as I want it, I have found out that it will never come.
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