What's Going On

A quickie since I'm on my phone and can't crank out a long one without thumb cramps.

My girl is "ok". Last week went fairly well and she had her second counseling appointment. The counselor suggested taking her for a walk while talking to her instead of sitting in the office. I offered up some conversation topics (daughter is really into art right now) and that helped, too. We thought things were really getting on track until her complete melt down today where she refused to go to school. Sigh. She has two oral reports coming due and is unprepared for both. As much as I have tried to work with her, she refuses and resists. We are stuck.

Today we have counseling in regard to parenting out middle kiddo. Awhile ago we caught him with pot. He has tested clean for five months, but he still has quite the attitude problem and we struggle with some of his worse antisocial behaviors. Because of a recent fallout, he will be seeing his OWN counselor privately, but the guy we will see today is for us parents to help keep us on track with setting boundaries and consequences and how best to follow through, etc. I suspect this will be out last visit with him, at least for awhile. He has helped a lot but I don't know what more he can help with at this point.

As for the Huz and I - it has been strongly recommended that he medically retire because of both of his shoulder having issues - and only one of them even possibly being operable. He doesn't want to retire. It would be rough on us financially if he did. We also are VERY done with this area. I am sick to death of having to look over my shoulder at every turn for the OW and I am frustrated and resentful that there are places we can't go for fear of running into her. Even though things have changed around at his work, there is still the ever possible chance that he will have to work with her again someday - yet another thing looming over us both. It's time for a change, but we are so upside down on the house and then there is his physical condition... It's never ending.

My MRI results are back. I haven't gone back to the doc I saw last time. He was, to make a long story short, an ass. Instead I went to my chiropractor, who confirmed what I suspected about some of my pain issues and offered up some solutions and exercised to help. Unfortunately for him, that was the day, time, and place I decided to completely fall apart emotionally. (See rebuilding marriage forum for full, pathetic story.) At least I feel some home again and wasn't just force fed pills and disdain.

Guess this was longer than I meant, but there it is. Stress on top of anxiety wrapped up with PMS.

Replies

pinkpony66
pinkpony66

Well you have a lot on your plate. My daughter is 11 and in the 6th grade. It\'s very tough going through middle school. She has ADD and struggles academically which only adds more stress. I hired a tutor for her twice a week which has helped ease her stress. Plus I\'m in constant contact with her team of teachers via email. They begin their day aware of her stressors that day and work around them. I\'m not sure if these things could help your daughter but it\'s worth a try.

I have a 20 year old in recovery who started with pot at 14. May I ask how he gets the sample for his tests? Is there an adult that actualy watches him pee? My 20 year old faked his tests for many months. He started by flushing himself with water. He would drink a liter or more of water for an hour or so before the test. He also had clean piss (from other people, ewww) with him when needed.

I saw that he still seemed high and was really questioning the validity of the test. The teen counselor said \"oh no, these are the most sensative, accurate tests around blah blah\". Well I decided to get savy. I had my husband stand in the bathroom as soon as he woke up and make him pee. I brought that sample with me to the counselor and bam! It was positive.

I\'m not saying your son is doing the same but if he is still acting out of sorts, it is a possibility and I would consider doing at first thing in the morning test on a day you normaly don\'t do it. Surprise test. Fest thing in the am is the highest concentration.

Anyway, I hope you find a doctor that you are comfortable with. That\'s so important when dealing with health concerns. You need to be able to discuss everything and they need to give you the time and compassion you deserve.

Moving sounds like a good all around thing for all. Between your daughters worries with school, the ow, and sons recent dabble in pot, a move might be just the thing to give everybody a chance to renew.

Pink
Allora
Allora

Thanks for the response, Pink.

Yes, we watch our son pee. (Ewww!) But for all the reasons you mentioned, I\'ve always watched him \"just in case\". We also random test, so there\'s no schedule for him to catch on to and so we can catch him without him watering it down, etc. The drug counselor we were seeing with him gave us a lot of great tips on setting boundaries, consequences, and monitoring behavior.

As for a tutor for my daughter, we considered it, but... she\'s on the honor roll. She gets really great grades. She\'s extremely bright. Her issues aren\'t so much with learning as much as with anxiety. We\'re hoping that weekly counseling will help. Honestly, with every day homework, she does great. Big projects scare her and she will.not.move.forward. Even when I break it into tiny tasks and say, \"Just do X...\" she\'ll get on task with it, but when she\'s nearing the end, she freezes again in anticipation of \"everything else\" that has to come after.

As for a doctor... still working on it. I am going to have to go out of area for a decent one. I HATE this place. HATE. We drive an hour and a half for counselors because there aren\'t any decent ones in this area, much less specialized ones. My daughter had a sore throat and we took her to urgent care yesterday since we had a counseling session, anyhow. My husband was *shocked* at how much nicer care was there than where we live. Um, EXACTLY, sweetheart. It\'s one of the many reasons I want out of here. Even my daughter commented, \"The people here are SO much nicer than where we usually go.\" Yeah. AND more knowledgeable.

I\'m just so tired. No one told me teens (and preteens) would be so much work. Ok. yeah. My mom did when *I* was a teen... \"I hope you have one JUST LIKE YOU!!\" Mothers curse come true... times two. (My oldest was an easy kiddo, at least!!)
pinkpony66
pinkpony66

Teens can drive us nuts. My 17 year old gives me very little trouble. He goes with the flow. He\'s a total slob but other than that, he is easy. My oldest now almost 21 and my 11 year daughter, are my tough cookies.

It really sounds like a move is what you need. A good fresh start.