What\'s going on....

I'll start from the beginning, because a few of you know, but many don't.  One of the reasons why I get support from DS is because of my cheating wife...it has been a while since the deed(s) but it I am still very much coping with it.  Anyway...I took her back, but things have not been hunky-dory since doing so, we were supposed to get therapy and counseling which I have been trying to get her involved with for quite some time...she says she will go and but something always seems to come up or for whatever reason we still have not got it going...it's been a little more than a year since we last saw a counselor who'se only advice at the time was for us to read some stupid book and he told me "Stop acting like a victim"!?!?!?!  WTF!!!!!!! Anyway..long story short, she feels that we can work things out on our own, she knows how much I want my family to work and she thinks we dont need the help despite my urgings...furthermore she thinks that having another child at this time will "better" strengthen our relationship...so recently she underwent surgery to have fybroids removed from her abdomen and stomach to help in her efforts to get pregnant...when I first found out that she was pursuing this surgery I wasn't happy about it at all...I expressed my disapproval but just like so many situations over the years, she does what she wants....I have tried and prayed and tried and prayed some more to remain patient and calm and wait for her attitude to change and for the light to come on but everyday my patience dwindles away even more...I have nothing left...  That being said...we had a HUGE fight this past Monday night...I let it all out...basically told her that if she wanted to get pregnant without fixing the real problems in our marriage first then she should go and be with someone else...needless to say, she flipped out...went ballistic...started throwing things and screaming....I packed some things, grabbed my son, and left...the next day I came back and part 2 was on....don't really feel like getting into details but it was ugly...no physical violence but our neighbors did call the cops...  Sooooooo....sigh I have been staying at a friends house the past couple of days and my son is at my mother's house...he loves being there with her and always has so that's not an issue...I'd rather him be away from this mess...I feel horrible behind the fact that he heard us fighting and arguing Monday....he asked me why mommy and I were yelling and why were mad and my heart was crushed...I told him he would NEVER see Daddy act like that again... The past couple of days she has been calling me NON-STOP...apologizing, she's emotional, under stress and pressure, and she lost control...those are her excuses...she says she is NOW ready to WORK THINGS OUT?!?!?!?  Bleh...not convinced...my mother, her father and her best girlfriend have all called me and basically begged me to go home and at least talk to her... So today I did...I can't stand to even look at her...I am through....I am certain...however....I promised myself that I would try to make things work because I LOVE MY FAMILY....this is by far the toughest situation I HAVE EVER had to deal with...we talked....but at the same time not much was said...she admitted that she looked into counseling but never followed up...I found 3 different counselors and she didn't like any of them...so I told her that IF she REALLY wants this to work then she has to start by initiation the counseling...find a counselor, schedule some appointments and I will be there...until that happens she can expect very little from me other than me being there to take care of my son.  I have to work tomorrow and then work my second job tomorrow night and then again on Saturday too so she will have plenty of time to figure what she is going to do....meanwhile, I have some money set aside and one of my good friends who owns a bunch of rental properties has offered me a place for really cheap and I am thinking about taking it....not sure at this point....everything is up in the air...there are a ton of other issues in our relationship besides this baby thing, many of which were an issue for a long time BEFORE she stepped away from the marriage...so I am not even angry about the cheat anymore....could care less honestly... I know I am a good person and a good husband who knows how to take care of his family...however, outside influences led her believe otherwise and that eventually led to bad decisions...but until she changes her attitude there is nothing more I can do....that is where things pretty much stand with me as of right now at 1:26 am Friday morning...what happens next, I HAVE NO IDEA.... I cannot thank all of my friends here for being here for me....you guys are my rock...seriously...I can always logon and forget about my issues and be myself and for that I AM MOST THANKFUL TO EVERYBODY....all the messages and hugs have been awesome and I am sorry I haven't logged on in a few days but this has been why...as soon as I get things right or at least stable I will be back on a regular basis again...sorry for the book guys... :(  I don't blame anybody that doesn't have the time to sit and read this entire entry...this is just me putting my thoughts into words....I promise to keep you guys posted on what the latest is with me...in the meantime pray for me and my son and my family...THANKS ALL!!  I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Court