what's going to happen?
I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the whole deal comes out to be. How much time, how much money, etc. I feel myself pulling away from DH lately. I don't think I can stay in a romantic relationship with him. I care about him. I want him to be healthy and happy, but that level of trust is so hard to get back, if at all. He's at a mental health facility for past month due to suicidal plan I discovered when he was on home monitoring. Everything with his case has come to a screeching halt while he's been hospitalized. I go to visit him about once a week. He is always so happy to see me and I feel like he's looking for any sign of hope for our relationship. He has always been very respectful, polite, loving and honorable or so I thought. How could he respect me or the victims (internet only) by doing what he did? So, I went to see him last night, and brought him a birthday card and some personal care items. He hugs me and that feels fine. When he kisses me on the lips or hand, it just feels wrong. I know it's very early in this whole process and I have no intention of filing for a divorce or anything that drastic, but it's not out of the question in the long run. I love him, but not the way I used to. It's just so tragic because it didn't have to be this way. He could have talked to me about his sexual addiction before it involved children. This started a couple of years before we got married and we got married 2 1/2 yrs ago. He told me that he was afraid that if he told me that he had become addicted to porn and cybersex that I wouldn't marry him...........no kidding, really? I might not have, butj it would have been nice to make that decision myselt. Everytime I think of that I get so angry. How dare he! How can I ever trust him again. I trusted him more than anyone, ever. This is my 3rd marriage. The other 2 were to an alcoholic and a cop who likes to emotionally abuse those weaker than he is. I thought I had found the perfect guy in my current hubby. He was everything the others weren't. He seemed too good to be true, and apparently he is. I'm very disappointed and heartbroken. Things always seem worse at night.
Replies
Sounds like you are attracted to dysfunctional men. Therapy can help. I suggest you look into it! Learn to love yourself and happiness will follow.
Yeah, I\'ll definately take the hit on the 1st two, but this man didn\'t have any signs before we were married that he was dysfunctioal. Anybody who knew him was dumbfounded and very surprised. I am going to therapy regularly and doing co-dependant work also. I\'m trying to love myself as best I can. We used to exercise together which made it hard to go back at first for a few reasons, but the more often I go, the easier its gotten (emotionally). For the first time in my life, I\'m not looking to see who the next man is going to be to make me happy. I have a few hobbies, good friends, an awesome family and people like you to call me out. Accountability is a good thing. I will look back at my hubby with a little different angle. Maybe his dysfunction was that he was too nice, too close, too generous, etc. Maybe there\'s something there. I\'d like to figure it out as a part of figuring myself out. Thanks for your encouragement and direction.
Sounds like you are on the road to recovery. What an inspirational attitude!Life\'s too short to be miserable~Take Care,Katie