What's New...

 Today I’m reflecting back upon key changes in my life and using that yardstick to measure how far I’ve come today. It was early December last year, when I actually met my goal of completing all the Christmas shopping and in doing so; it set me in an upbeat positive mood. I do the majority of my shopping year round on the net, looking for the best quality, at the best price. I’ve worked in the manufacturing sector on both sides of the fence; as a factory rat and another time after college, the personal assistant to the CEO of a small plastic injection molding plant. You can say I have a fairly rough idea of what things should cost and what I consider a fair and reasonable price, not the MSRP.
Then a month later, this past January, over two years after my reconstructive back surgery to relieve chronic back pain and sciatica nerve pain that went down my butt, under my thigh and straight down to my foot and NOTHING was helping. Strong pain meds didn’t even touch it. For the first time, I was becoming much more able to climb up the stairs at home, more than 2-3x a day; as anything more was just too painful afterwards. The following Spring I challenged myself to trying yoga in an attempt to get back into the physical shape I was in before all these damn surgeries and I just marked my 1 year anniversary since starting this low cost exercise ($40 a 7+ wk session sponsored by the city parks and recreation dept).    
I still had and have minor bouts with depression and if I was in a serious relationship now I believe I’d do better, as like I’m not always motivated to cook for myself, but if someone puts food in front of me I’ll eat it. I’m considered an excellent cook by family and friends who come over for usually a holiday dinner. I’ll be the first one to say it didn’t come out the way it’s supposed to, like the meat being too dry, but there’s a lot of gravy lovers, so that solves that problem.
Since my doc switched my medications around, now taking all my Seroquel at night and after two weeks beginning to have less intense anxiety/fear laden nightmares. Any small improvement is welcome. I know realistically that the many years of prior abuse, prior to the divorce, that caused my mental state to deteriorate aren’t going to be reversed overnight. I’ve made a tremendous amount of progress since then, but inwardly know that my fears can keep me from finding true happiness.
I’m at the point where I’m becoming comfortable with the idea of meeting new women through “www.meetups.com” in my local area. They’re set in a casual atmosphere; either an event or someone’s home and there can be quite a variety of groups to look over, depending upon your location. Now all I have to do is push myself into doing it! At this time I’m taking a wait and see attitude as to who walks into my life, instead of trying to make things happen or force changes that may not be in my best interest in the long run. The bottom line is I don’t fully trust my own judgment in decisions of the heart and mind. I can accept this and have a lot of patience, which hobbies like gardening help teach you.