What option do I choose?
HI all, I am glad I came across this forum as I don't know where else to turn for objective advise from people who may be going through what i am going through.
I am 28 and have been married for 5 years. I was diagnosed with Turners around 18 / 19 years old and thank goodness I am not too severely affected. I am quite short yes, a bit plump but at least not overly fat/obese and only have a very slight hearing issue. Other than this I like to think I am very intelligent and rather normal looking if there is even such a thing.
When diagnosed, I am sad to admit, my mother must have felt some degree of shock and the need to protect me, withdrawing me from discussions on the topic entirely. She took complete control and insisted on finding out everything from the doctors herself and talking to them by herself, without me present. Thus, neither my mom, nor the doctor ever fully or properly explained the repercussions of such a diagnosis to me. Unfortunately it was too late for growth hormones so i just received estrogen and progesterone. Years later i read a scary article about it contributing to breast cancer and stopped treatment.
As i was young and not in any relationship, and not having gotten counselling (i believe that is something that should have occurred had i not allowed myself to be shut out of the discussions with the doctors), i was not too concerned about pregnancy just yet or monthly cramps and bleeding... until now.
Suddenly i find myself 28 years old, approaching 30, with my two best friends both pregnant at the same time. I want to start a family with my husband, and I am not proud to admit i find myself fighting a serious case of envy over what i cannot have. I wonder what i did to deserve this diagnosis that now begins to feels like punishment. What did i do wrong?
Of course my husband is supportive, but, not being in my shoes, and being a man, he can’t fully understand my case as a female that now feels like some inferior excuse for a woman. Of course i know this is not true as true strength and family is much more than that, so i am keeping myself as positive as possible.
My problem is a combination: Financial and Emotional.
I would love to undergo IVF and have the ability to carry my own child, with a donated egg from my 37-year old sister, inseminated by hubby, however i don't just have cash like that lying around. I am also terrified of the complications that can arise with my heart as i am bicuspid. I am thinking of asking my sister to be a surrogate and carry the child on my behalf, leading to my emotional problem: The impact on her husband who would then see her carry another man's child, my husband feeling awkward knowing his sister in law is pregnant with his child. and then the bond my sister would have with the child. It would feel like taking the child from its mother, which she literally would be... Also with home insemination kits this also seems to be a cheaper option. So where does the 'her child' end and 'my child' begin? it can get tricky to do this with family but i feel strongly that the child should at least have as much of my genetics as possible. shared genes is better than nothing. Besides, she is tall and beautiful, so i could definitely do worse. She has a daughter, no plans for another child of her own, so thus the two cousins would be like siblings, which makes me really really happy :-)
So there are many things to consider and two very different directions that i am being pulled in. I would prefer the surrogacy for logical reasons, but cannot only think of my own wants and needs...
I know some people would recommend that I ask my husband what he would prefer, and I have done just that, however his only answer is that he needs to think about it, which is not overly helpful. all he ever says for the last 6 months is that he must think about it. This worries me as i don't think it's that difficult to decide that you want a family with your life partner and best friend. I want to be patient but I can’t shake the feeling that he is put off by the fact that it wouldn’t be my own biological child, and this naturally makes me feel very insecure. So I have taken this journey of research by myself, looking for advise in any way, shape or form as to try to decide which option to go for. IFV vs Surrogacy. What should i do?
Thank you so much for allowing me a safe space where i could pen my thoughts on this. I hope you guys can shed some light.
I am 28 and have been married for 5 years. I was diagnosed with Turners around 18 / 19 years old and thank goodness I am not too severely affected. I am quite short yes, a bit plump but at least not overly fat/obese and only have a very slight hearing issue. Other than this I like to think I am very intelligent and rather normal looking if there is even such a thing.
When diagnosed, I am sad to admit, my mother must have felt some degree of shock and the need to protect me, withdrawing me from discussions on the topic entirely. She took complete control and insisted on finding out everything from the doctors herself and talking to them by herself, without me present. Thus, neither my mom, nor the doctor ever fully or properly explained the repercussions of such a diagnosis to me. Unfortunately it was too late for growth hormones so i just received estrogen and progesterone. Years later i read a scary article about it contributing to breast cancer and stopped treatment.
As i was young and not in any relationship, and not having gotten counselling (i believe that is something that should have occurred had i not allowed myself to be shut out of the discussions with the doctors), i was not too concerned about pregnancy just yet or monthly cramps and bleeding... until now.
Suddenly i find myself 28 years old, approaching 30, with my two best friends both pregnant at the same time. I want to start a family with my husband, and I am not proud to admit i find myself fighting a serious case of envy over what i cannot have. I wonder what i did to deserve this diagnosis that now begins to feels like punishment. What did i do wrong?
Of course my husband is supportive, but, not being in my shoes, and being a man, he can’t fully understand my case as a female that now feels like some inferior excuse for a woman. Of course i know this is not true as true strength and family is much more than that, so i am keeping myself as positive as possible.
My problem is a combination: Financial and Emotional.
I would love to undergo IVF and have the ability to carry my own child, with a donated egg from my 37-year old sister, inseminated by hubby, however i don't just have cash like that lying around. I am also terrified of the complications that can arise with my heart as i am bicuspid. I am thinking of asking my sister to be a surrogate and carry the child on my behalf, leading to my emotional problem: The impact on her husband who would then see her carry another man's child, my husband feeling awkward knowing his sister in law is pregnant with his child. and then the bond my sister would have with the child. It would feel like taking the child from its mother, which she literally would be... Also with home insemination kits this also seems to be a cheaper option. So where does the 'her child' end and 'my child' begin? it can get tricky to do this with family but i feel strongly that the child should at least have as much of my genetics as possible. shared genes is better than nothing. Besides, she is tall and beautiful, so i could definitely do worse. She has a daughter, no plans for another child of her own, so thus the two cousins would be like siblings, which makes me really really happy :-)
So there are many things to consider and two very different directions that i am being pulled in. I would prefer the surrogacy for logical reasons, but cannot only think of my own wants and needs...
I know some people would recommend that I ask my husband what he would prefer, and I have done just that, however his only answer is that he needs to think about it, which is not overly helpful. all he ever says for the last 6 months is that he must think about it. This worries me as i don't think it's that difficult to decide that you want a family with your life partner and best friend. I want to be patient but I can’t shake the feeling that he is put off by the fact that it wouldn’t be my own biological child, and this naturally makes me feel very insecure. So I have taken this journey of research by myself, looking for advise in any way, shape or form as to try to decide which option to go for. IFV vs Surrogacy. What should i do?
Thank you so much for allowing me a safe space where i could pen my thoughts on this. I hope you guys can shed some light.
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