what next
well strange things keep happening to me and around me... I'm not sure if this is the right area to write about this in... but... here I go...
I just got news that my mother passed away.... no... we weren't close... she abandoned us... 4 of us kids under the age of 4 when I was just a baby... I've met her aprox 4 times in my life time...She walked out on my dad and the 4 kids and never looked back...My brother the oldest went to live with my grandmother on my dad's side of the family and her husband... I the youngest went to live with my grandfather and his wife on my father's side. and the 2 girls... twins were brought up in the system... C.A.S. I got to meet my siblings when I was about 14... after my father died...So we aren't perhaps as close as siblings should be... I'm closer to the girls than my brother,... The girls and I visit and talk from time to time. Well I spent a lot of time searching out for my mother... doing searches on line... phone books and just generally looking for her..trying to understand how a woman could just abandon her children like that. The girls searched as well.
... Well about 3 years ago I got feedback about where she was and what she was doing.. I contacted her... and we met up....at first she seemed pleased that I had contacted her... Well the good feelings didn't last long... I visited one more time and that was the end of the relationship, she wanted no ties to the past... didn't want to explain the past... didn't want to talk about her family... as in siblings and where she was from...and we got nowhere... she made me promise not to tell my siblings where she was....and she threatened legal action if I or anybody from my family got in touch with her again... I really don't have any idea of why she was so threated by me... she was in her 80's or very close to her 80's at that time... just an old angry woman and as she put it into her words... she had absolutely no regrets about
walking out on her kids and husband for a new man and had no regets about how her life turned out.... she was happy with the outcome... got everything she ever wanted out of life. those were her words... .I did tell the siblings that I had found her... told them I met up with her... Told them about the threat of legal actions and how she didn't want to be found by us or any contact from us.
so now... about 3 or 4 years later... I get a call that this old nasty woman has passed away.... and that there that need to be taken care of... she still had my number and the nursing home got in touch with me after she passed.... So I had to get in touch with the siblings and let them know this news... Now... we're in a place that we don't know how to deal with... I'm the youngest... but have had the most stable life than my siblings so I am the one that is looking after the arrangements. yes there is a little money involved, not much but that's not the point.. the point is... she walked on us, and never looked back.... and now we have 4 adult children who are not sure if to grieve or how to grieve for this woman that just left us... and I personally have some guilt with regards to the lack of emotion that I have with regards to her...it's sad that somebody could have 4 kids and that none of them have that connection to her that will make her missed... and how cruel does that sound... cruel and sad.... I don't know if it's sadder for her... or for us... I mean... i had 3 kids and can't imagine that I would have walked out on them... and out of those 3 kids... 2 of them died... and here.. this woman... left 4 kids and didn't give a damn about them or their lives or what would happen to them...
I just got news that my mother passed away.... no... we weren't close... she abandoned us... 4 of us kids under the age of 4 when I was just a baby... I've met her aprox 4 times in my life time...She walked out on my dad and the 4 kids and never looked back...My brother the oldest went to live with my grandmother on my dad's side of the family and her husband... I the youngest went to live with my grandfather and his wife on my father's side. and the 2 girls... twins were brought up in the system... C.A.S. I got to meet my siblings when I was about 14... after my father died...So we aren't perhaps as close as siblings should be... I'm closer to the girls than my brother,... The girls and I visit and talk from time to time. Well I spent a lot of time searching out for my mother... doing searches on line... phone books and just generally looking for her..trying to understand how a woman could just abandon her children like that. The girls searched as well.
... Well about 3 years ago I got feedback about where she was and what she was doing.. I contacted her... and we met up....at first she seemed pleased that I had contacted her... Well the good feelings didn't last long... I visited one more time and that was the end of the relationship, she wanted no ties to the past... didn't want to explain the past... didn't want to talk about her family... as in siblings and where she was from...and we got nowhere... she made me promise not to tell my siblings where she was....and she threatened legal action if I or anybody from my family got in touch with her again... I really don't have any idea of why she was so threated by me... she was in her 80's or very close to her 80's at that time... just an old angry woman and as she put it into her words... she had absolutely no regrets about
walking out on her kids and husband for a new man and had no regets about how her life turned out.... she was happy with the outcome... got everything she ever wanted out of life. those were her words... .I did tell the siblings that I had found her... told them I met up with her... Told them about the threat of legal actions and how she didn't want to be found by us or any contact from us.
so now... about 3 or 4 years later... I get a call that this old nasty woman has passed away.... and that there that need to be taken care of... she still had my number and the nursing home got in touch with me after she passed.... So I had to get in touch with the siblings and let them know this news... Now... we're in a place that we don't know how to deal with... I'm the youngest... but have had the most stable life than my siblings so I am the one that is looking after the arrangements. yes there is a little money involved, not much but that's not the point.. the point is... she walked on us, and never looked back.... and now we have 4 adult children who are not sure if to grieve or how to grieve for this woman that just left us... and I personally have some guilt with regards to the lack of emotion that I have with regards to her...it's sad that somebody could have 4 kids and that none of them have that connection to her that will make her missed... and how cruel does that sound... cruel and sad.... I don't know if it's sadder for her... or for us... I mean... i had 3 kids and can't imagine that I would have walked out on them... and out of those 3 kids... 2 of them died... and here.. this woman... left 4 kids and didn't give a damn about them or their lives or what would happen to them...
Replies
What a challenging situation. I don\'t particularly like the phrase \"I can\'t imagine\" but sometimes it\'s very fitting and I really can\'t put myself in your shoes. I didn\'t meet my dad until I was 26 but had quite the opposite response. He was very sad about losing out on 26 years of my life etc. Anyway, no one could blame you or your siblings for not grieving over her death. If anything, you should grieve a childhood without a mother. I can only give my opinion of what I think I would do and that would be to simply handle the burial and/or funeral as a business affair and be done. I too can\'t understand a mother leaving her children. Motherhood is my greatest gift and I\'m saddened that someone would choose to let it slip away. Love to you my new friend. Robin
It sure is a challenge that\'s for sure... but we\'re looking after it... I know where I stand on my emotions now... guess I was a bit shell shocked... and yes... am dealing with it almost like a business arrangement... have arranged with my sisters that as soon as we get the keys to the condo... we\'ll check it out and see what memories if any of us she has locked up in little boxes... we\'ll have to clean out the condo... I do believe that there is going to be a fair amount of things given to charity hopefully to have some good come from this miserable woman\'s life... hopefully some of what she has/had can bring some joy into another persons life... it\'s still sad though... that she has/had 4 kids and we aren\'t gonna miss her...
later bets