What is the least I can settle for?
so what is the least I want out of my marriage? Is it companionship?is it someone to raise our children with?
I may be fooling myself but I'm kind of at a point where I just want to be friends with him. I don't want to expect the whole loving lifelong relationship. Because he can't live up to it.really, all I want is for him to be kind to me, not drink,not see other women, and to raise our children in peace.
For the first time, I am NOT feeling I actually want him. Would I be sad if we divorce then I saw him with other women? Yes, but I know what they would be getting. Something that I didn't want.
I have my youngest in the house for 11 more years. I suspect we could actuallyjust work toward the most financially stable exit from each other that we can by that point.
But it is time I really lower my expectations.
I may be fooling myself but I'm kind of at a point where I just want to be friends with him. I don't want to expect the whole loving lifelong relationship. Because he can't live up to it.really, all I want is for him to be kind to me, not drink,not see other women, and to raise our children in peace.
For the first time, I am NOT feeling I actually want him. Would I be sad if we divorce then I saw him with other women? Yes, but I know what they would be getting. Something that I didn't want.
I have my youngest in the house for 11 more years. I suspect we could actuallyjust work toward the most financially stable exit from each other that we can by that point.
But it is time I really lower my expectations.
Replies
It\'s hard, but sometimes the best thing you can do is step outside of yourself as much as possible and offer yourself the same advice you would your own child if s/he were in your shoes. We would do just about anything to protect our children - why can\'t we protect ourselves so fiercely?
I once told myself that I would just stay with my husband as we were (basically, just suck it up and deal with the crappy situation) until the kids were grown. But then, what kind of life could I live then? What would I have taught my kids?
I am glad I drew the line. I am glad I learned to speak up and define my expectations for marriage. It didn\'t force my husband into doing anything - it still had to be his choice - but at least he knew what the expectations (and consequences) were.
(And yeah, sometimes I still want to kick him in the shin - HARD - but at least I also want to still hold him close and love and protect him! I will take that over just living together any day!)
I have drawn my lines, and once again he has agreed 2 meet them. I\'m not forcing him. He doesn\'t want to lose me. but I don\'t know that he\'s capable of maintaining the relationship the way I expect it to be. Do I love him? Yes. But right now I don\'t know how to let that show.the only way that our relationship can weather the ups and downs is stupidity that we all have and Miss steps, is that underlying trust and belief in that other person.I believe he wants me and wants us,but... I don\'t trust any of it.
what sucks is that everyday life is pretty good with us.