What is my destiny?..
Desparately longing for an everlasting intimacy - wish it were a falacy but lonliness seems to be my destiny...Placed here as an outcast in a world of chaos- in order to find internal peace. I should've just saved myself the trouble & chosen a compatible career of a priest. Those that I've met along the way, that I've seemed to 'click' with initially, would later depart from my life as quickly as they arrived. People will tell me I'm not alone; perhaps their souls are as transparent as mine. I've chosen a course along the equator separating life & death; I'm very cautious about transgressing off this path, being very fearful of both dimensions. This neutral zone appeared to be a place of refuge but it is actually where my current HELL resides...a tape reel in my mind continuously playing the what if's of life and suicidal ideations of death - no one hears my screams. These are silent flicks; the crescendo builds as the clock ticks. My destiny awaits...
Replies
I sure understand where you are at. I also long for that everlasting intimacy. Keep the suicide thoughts at bay. Where in VA are you. My other son lives in Vinton. Outside Roaoke. I have never been there. He always comes home to Florida for visits LOL Huggs to you.
2012 has been another interesting year.
Spring Equinox soon to come around the bend.
I hope you are still here and have found some moments of respite. Seek the better side of life. Look into the eyes of a child. Grow a plant or have a living thing close by who soothes your human soul with much more complex needs.
Perhaps you do have a calling to be a priest or in some religious settings. We know our heart will not rest until we rest in the Lord where love and peace all generate.......and perhaps that\'s how He guides you. Seek that option out... talk to a priest.