What is going to happen?

So pretty much, if you haven't heard my story before or can't remember, I started dating this girl in a long distance relationship. It is an hour flight to see her, but I don't see her that often. About once a month because of how much it costs to see her. Anyways, when we first started dating, I was working and getting out of the house and having a good time. She finally came out to see me and I quit my job just before she did. I haven't been able to find a job since then, and because of it, I have become pretty much broke and I don't get out of my house and it is affecting my relationship. We talk every night and when our relationship was younger, we had lots to talk about. Since I have quit my job, a lot of our conversations have become about how we love each other and how much we miss each other. She wants me to move out to Edmonton, and I want to go, but she is the only reason I would. I am just not ready for a move that big. I have not matured enough and I am just not prepared for something like that. She told me last night that she has been having doubts about our relationship and questioning if it is really meant to be, and if I am honest with myself, so have I. I have been trying to hide it because it is so hard for me to find a girlfriend, but the spark we started with just isn't there anymore. I am not sure what to do, cause I do love her, but can I sacrafice everything I have for her? I used to think so, not so much anymore. I just don't know anymore.... :'(

Replies

drwho546
drwho546

Well obviously you need a hug at the beginning to cheer you up a little (hug)

See there is no doubt that what you are goin through now is sooo hard...like to choose between the life u wanna live and the one whom u love! It\'s the reason why I quit dating ages ago...because i believe that anyone can\'t get everything! Like u can\'t have someone who loves u, supports you and be ur everyone in this life and ur dreams of getting the best job in the best town and the best life ever! U need to balance, like for example, for having someone to love me for who i am and makes me feel better whenever i am down i will have to give up the idea of studying for 20 years \"for example\" and to travel around the world to get some degree! or at least not achieve that dream fully... because relationships need care and dedication....the same way you take, u should give...if ur girlfriend is giving u the emotional stability then you will have to do something in turn!

U said that you have talked to her about it before and that ur not feeling the same way about each other anymore...and now ur lost...I will tell you what is going on EXACTLY with you...ur afraid that things might change! And i dont blame u....

How is that? you are now having a gf and a job and a life that ur okay with, right! if you want to move out then ur afraid of getting out of ur comfort zone...out of the life u have been familiar with for 2 decades nearly! wow that will make ANY one nervous! so dont worry its normal the feeling ur having about not wanting to change! and again if u wanna keep ur life and everything u might have to give up ur gf....and again, leaving someone whom u have been with for a long while! That is aint easy as well!! so its the fear of changing....

Then what to do?
okay we need to put in mind a really important thing which is, pizza is tasty....hahaha nooo just tryin to make u smile.....which is, change is a frightening thing...but it is not always a bad thing! What do you think? Should everything different, be bad? NO, SURELY NOT! so its the idea u should agree with...it is the KEY!

Then what?
okay now I want you to use ur right part of ur brain a lil, yeah i want u to imagine...imagine Joel after 10 years from now okay? dont worry about gray hair, u will have some only....hahaha...anyways and i want u to imagine what would happen if u left ur gf and worked on ur career, life, studies...whatever that cant happen the way u always wanted if u had to stay with ur gf....and try to feel how it feels! to see ur friends and family around...to start ur own job...to to to...just relax and think nothing but about it...live the experience....feel it...then after ur done....take a deep breathe...relax and start with another 5 to 15 min of imagination....after 10 years from now imagine ur self with ur gf, living at her town, married maybe....whatever the other option might offer you and feel how it feels...

now after u went through the both feelings and experiences that will give you a better view of ur life and a better criteria to use to choose...because let me tell you what, not me, not ANYONE IN THIS WHOLE WORLD can take this choice...because it is about you...it is about Joel!

Always put in mind that if u felt better living ur first option without her...there will be ALWAYS someone else meant to be with u....and if u chose ur second option, there will be ALWAYS a life in ANYWHERE in this world!

The best of luck Joel, ur a good friend...ur deserve the best!
Gina