What is going on the last few days
I have been NC since about March 11th. I initiated and stuck to it. About a week later, I broke NC, but the conversation that I had with OW was more of a reassertion that things would not be the same anymore and I reset NC. The calls and emails died down after that. Since March 11th I have generally felt good about being NC. I had channeled my energy towards contempt against OW. I kept telling myself that she did not have my best interests at heart and that I needed to hate/dislike her in order to free myself. I was keeping busy doing good some temp work listening to music on my headphones, even joking with a friend about taking myself and all this shit too seriously. But then last week, I got an email and a bunch of calls from OW (I did not respond but did listen to the voice-mails and read the emails) and damn if those messages and emails didn't get to me. Another problem is that the project I was working on ended and I am between projects so I have too much free time on my hands. I don't start work again until Wednesday. So here I am a little bored and just outright longing for OW. I feel like such loser for falling back into these emotions. I really was in a really good place until last Thursday. Yesterday when I was with my family celebrating Easter all I could think about was sending OW a simple email wishing her and her one-year old daughter a happy Easter. I didn't send it and this morning I had more clarity and was so glad that I didn't break NC, but now this afternoon as the day has worn on, I find myself temped to send her a little message. I even made a deal with myself that if she reached and called or emailed that I would respond. Thankfully she has not made contact . . . so I remain NC for now. TO BE CONTINUED
Replies
Don\'t do it, man! You are doing great, stay strong.
Second that, tulips. I know these feelings well, friend. You\'re thinking you can just take one sip of her brew and you\'ll be able to handle it. Sorry to be harsh, but you won\'t. You\'ve got to think like an addict-- one taste leads you down a slippery slope to full blown chaos. Find something, anything, else to distract yourself. You\'ve come this far... Keep with it and these intense feelings *will* eventually let up. Sending you hugs and positive energy...
Thanks ladies. So I am still NC. I think that I have just been tired and when I get tired I lose focus and become emotional. I don\'t think that I really want to see OW. I just kind of want to know how she is doing. They idea of going to see her is actually a little to much. In the past when I pulled away and then got back together with her I always remember having regrets as soon as I pulled up at her place to meet up. I remember as I would park my car in front of her place, I would grab the steering wheel very tight and say to myself \"what was I thinking wanting to make up with her [OW}\". So I don\'t know why the last few days I have had this longing when I know that that longing would turn into regret should I break NC and go see her. Damn how messed up that?
I have been through this so many times before only to get back together with her and then feel like crap after that. This time I have sent strong signals to her this is different. A big part of my resolve is my having discovered this web site. Thank you all
I feel for you sedge. I still don\'t know how you do NC without blocking. For me. It was imperative. Hang in there and keep posting and journaling.
I read this stuff and I wonder, \"is my exOM having a similar thought process?\" haha! I hope so. But then a part of me also hopes he\'s ok, that ONE of us made it out ok.. since I\'m the one more likely to seek out the support needed to deal with the emotions.
Blocking is the way to go. That way you\'re not tormented if she\'s trying to contact you, nor are you tormented by her silence.
WHY did we all put ourselves through this again? hahaha!
Stay strong. Think about your family. Are these fleeting moments of gratification worth risking your family over? Remind yourself of how bad you feel afterwards. You\'re a good person and you have it in you to make the right decision. Do yourself proud.