What is FUN
I'm struggling too. My kids are on vacation this week, with their grandparents, my husband works daylight, and so that leaves me... me and my 4 walls... and my sobriety. I AM A PARTY IN A BOX, I tellya! I'm 5 months sober now, and it's been a great 5 months of discovery and milestones and triumphs and blah blah blah... But I've fallen off the pink cloud I think. I'm finding out there's more to it than just abstaining from drink. There's actual work involved. I'm coming to terms with the fact that everything I used to consider "FUN" was connected to drinking. Everything. ESPECIALLY the week every summer when my kids go on vacation with their grandparents!!! I think last year I drank from 8 in the morning onward. And I thought I was having fun. I think I had fun. I can't remember. And what you're saying about your friends, and avoiding social situations, and wondering what will be left for you to do and how long can you hold out, and what's your life going to feel like now... I'm there too. I have friends (and family members) of which, my only link to them is drinking... It's been tough. The conversations, "WHAT? You're not drinking!!! What the hell is THAT?!" (that little tidbit supplied by my brother), or "WHAT? You're not drinking?!!! What the hell is WRONG with you?!" (that from my auntie Rach). And then I do this little side-step, mealy mouthed thing where I mumble something something something blah blah blah about it interfering with my parenting, and oh, ain't I just a barrel of laughs, stepping all over everyone's BUZZ with my stupid, mumbling sobriety... There must be a green cloud, located at a somewhat lower altitude than the pink cloud, the Green Cloud of Wobbly, Uncertain Sobriety. The Green Cloud of Is This All There Is. The Green Cloud of How Do I Have FUN Now. The Green Cloud of What Exactly IS Fun. The Green Cloud of I'm Turning Into A Crotchety Old Woman With Sour Expression But I'm Much Too "Young" and HOT For All That. But there's a silver lining, right? The silver lining of HEY! The Whites Of My Eyes are Actually... WHITE!! The silver lining of HOT DAMN! My Head Is Clear! and MY GOSH! I Can Get A LOT Done In a Day! I'm thinking I need to go to AA meetings, is what I'm thinking. That I can't do this alone. Crap.
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