What in the HELL happened???
Soooo last night she came home from work. I had a rough night with the computer crashing while i was working on a client, costing us $50. That was money for food and gas i the car as we are struggling pretty badly right now. I tried my best not to let it get me too down which was difficult considering we basically went to bed without dinner last night.
I had planned on us having a nice relaxing (but productive) night last night, but instead she wanted to cuddle in bed which was fine by me. Eventually we ended up falling asleep. I woke up about 4 hours later and none of had eaten, the 20 month old was up so i went into the kitchen and threw together some rice and gravy and made her some homemade popcorn. After everyone ate i proceeded to clean the kitchen, by the time i was done her and the baby had fallen back to sleep so i curled up at the foot of the bed and went to sleep with them.
Woke up this morning around 9:30 when my cousin called and the client from the previous night had text to reschedule. I turn over to her and she clearly has an attitude so i ask her:
Me: "whats wrong..."
Her: Stupid fucking dreams
Me: About what?
Her: You and your hoes
Me:....... 0_o .......... huh
Her: Just leave it alone
Me: *lean inn to hold her for reassurance since i have no idea what she is talking about or where it came from* She gets an attitude and pushes me away....I ask her how can you punish me in real life for whatever happened in your dream?
Her: I said i didn't want to talk about it.
>>>>I just grabbed a blanket and a pillow and headed for the couch. Shortly after the baby woke up and i have been up with him ever since...Anyway my cousin called about a game we play so i called her back and we proceeded to chit chat about a bunch of nothing as we usually do. Once again i'm struggling trying to figure out what to feed my pregnant self and these two kids and she is still holding on to an attitude that i have no idea where it originated from. She showered and left for work, still visibly irritated and i have no idea where it came from, why or what to do about it.
With everything going on i cant deal with the extra. Im already having issues dealing with being pregnant because it has been difficult for me not being able to work or hustle, donate plasma, whatever...anything to help contribute to the household financially, i cant stand the feeling of uselessness and now with us struggling so badly already knowing we have another mouth to feed on the way it bothers me. I try to hold it in as best i can but when times like this come about idk what to do.
I don't have any family here, no real friends and Goddess knows i don't have any "HOES"....sometimes i think of how tings would be easier if i did, at least we wouldn't be struggling like this cuz i would damn sure put those "hoes" to some use... SMH...we would have food and money and whatever else we needed but NOPE no "HOES", just me, my "partner/wife/friend" and our kids, struggling to make it on what she brings home as a fresh outta cosmetology school stylist.
She has a nice setup but the hardest part of starting any business is bringing in the clientele and building up the customer base.
I have done everything in my power to show her that its all about her and OUR family, we had been having such a good few weeks especially considering we were able to overcome some obstacles that i was sure would cause drama and things seemed to be looking up then......TODAY happened and as usual instead o talking about it so we can figure out how to fix things, she would rather not address the issue. But all that does is cause an even bigger issue because now she is walking around with an attitude and since no one knows why we are all tip toeing around her.
I'm already on edge because i'm hungry, frustrated and exhausted but i try to hold it together. The kids still need to eat, i need to eat, we have a baby coming in less than 2 months, i start school the same day i am supposed to be due which means by the time i start i will either be fresh off of a c section or preparing for one in the next few days (assuming i don't go into labor before then), i have been getting the run around with my medical insurance, planned on going to the ER but they wont treat me if i dont have someone to watch the baby i already have (no one to do that) and i could go by myself at night when she gets home and leave the baby with her but no telling how long i would be there and its not like she has the patience to come sit up there with me, especially after being at work all day so that's one more thing i have to figure out on my own and things are only going to get ore difficult as time progresses.
I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE I AM SUPPOSED TO DO BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM DOING ALL I PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY & EMOTIONALLY CAN AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY THAT NO PROGRESS IS BEING MADE. NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER THIS CAN CONTINUE B4 I LOSE IT ALL THE WAY.
I had planned on us having a nice relaxing (but productive) night last night, but instead she wanted to cuddle in bed which was fine by me. Eventually we ended up falling asleep. I woke up about 4 hours later and none of had eaten, the 20 month old was up so i went into the kitchen and threw together some rice and gravy and made her some homemade popcorn. After everyone ate i proceeded to clean the kitchen, by the time i was done her and the baby had fallen back to sleep so i curled up at the foot of the bed and went to sleep with them.
Woke up this morning around 9:30 when my cousin called and the client from the previous night had text to reschedule. I turn over to her and she clearly has an attitude so i ask her:
Me: "whats wrong..."
Her: Stupid fucking dreams
Me: About what?
Her: You and your hoes
Me:....... 0_o .......... huh
Her: Just leave it alone
Me: *lean inn to hold her for reassurance since i have no idea what she is talking about or where it came from* She gets an attitude and pushes me away....I ask her how can you punish me in real life for whatever happened in your dream?
Her: I said i didn't want to talk about it.
>>>>I just grabbed a blanket and a pillow and headed for the couch. Shortly after the baby woke up and i have been up with him ever since...Anyway my cousin called about a game we play so i called her back and we proceeded to chit chat about a bunch of nothing as we usually do. Once again i'm struggling trying to figure out what to feed my pregnant self and these two kids and she is still holding on to an attitude that i have no idea where it originated from. She showered and left for work, still visibly irritated and i have no idea where it came from, why or what to do about it.
With everything going on i cant deal with the extra. Im already having issues dealing with being pregnant because it has been difficult for me not being able to work or hustle, donate plasma, whatever...anything to help contribute to the household financially, i cant stand the feeling of uselessness and now with us struggling so badly already knowing we have another mouth to feed on the way it bothers me. I try to hold it in as best i can but when times like this come about idk what to do.
I don't have any family here, no real friends and Goddess knows i don't have any "HOES"....sometimes i think of how tings would be easier if i did, at least we wouldn't be struggling like this cuz i would damn sure put those "hoes" to some use... SMH...we would have food and money and whatever else we needed but NOPE no "HOES", just me, my "partner/wife/friend" and our kids, struggling to make it on what she brings home as a fresh outta cosmetology school stylist.
She has a nice setup but the hardest part of starting any business is bringing in the clientele and building up the customer base.
I have done everything in my power to show her that its all about her and OUR family, we had been having such a good few weeks especially considering we were able to overcome some obstacles that i was sure would cause drama and things seemed to be looking up then......TODAY happened and as usual instead o talking about it so we can figure out how to fix things, she would rather not address the issue. But all that does is cause an even bigger issue because now she is walking around with an attitude and since no one knows why we are all tip toeing around her.
I'm already on edge because i'm hungry, frustrated and exhausted but i try to hold it together. The kids still need to eat, i need to eat, we have a baby coming in less than 2 months, i start school the same day i am supposed to be due which means by the time i start i will either be fresh off of a c section or preparing for one in the next few days (assuming i don't go into labor before then), i have been getting the run around with my medical insurance, planned on going to the ER but they wont treat me if i dont have someone to watch the baby i already have (no one to do that) and i could go by myself at night when she gets home and leave the baby with her but no telling how long i would be there and its not like she has the patience to come sit up there with me, especially after being at work all day so that's one more thing i have to figure out on my own and things are only going to get ore difficult as time progresses.
I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE I AM SUPPOSED TO DO BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM DOING ALL I PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY & EMOTIONALLY CAN AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY THAT NO PROGRESS IS BEING MADE. NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER THIS CAN CONTINUE B4 I LOSE IT ALL THE WAY.
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