What ifs and anxiety/depression

It seems the “what ifs” of the world are giving me the most grief right now. What if I lose my job? What if I can’t pay my bills? What if my current situation never gets better or even gets worse? There are so many things out of my control right now…what if I can’t deal with them? I know if worst comes to worse I will deal with it regardless of what a mess I may be but the “what ifs” are worse then the event since you relive them over and over 24/7.   My situation currently can not be solved by me yet my mind keeps trying to process a solution. In several years I’m sure my situation will eventually be resolved but I can’t continue on this depressed path for the next several years. Every morning I wake up a depressed hopeless individual. I feel better as the day goes on but I never feel exactly normal as the fear/stress/sadness of my current situation seems to undermine fully enjoying a moment.   I guess the fear of an unknown future along with the anger/guilt of making a bad decision has me in a self loathing state of mind. Anger at one’s self along with fear of the worst to come is a recipe for anxiety/depression. Will my current situation never get better? At some point it will but will it get worse before that time? I play the worst case scenarios in my head 24/7…what will I do if one or more actually come to pass? I will have to deal with them but in the mean time I’m sad and exhausted from playing our all the scenarios over and over and over again!   Maybe something could go right! Maybe none of my fears will ever be founded. Maybe in a few years I won’t be in this situation or at least maybe the situation won’t seem as bad as it does today. Who knows? God knows…….I wish He would clue me in!!  Tuesday, May 06, 2008 1:51 PM