What I wouldn't give for my first symptoms
Wow, is all I can say. I had no idea how this would play out. I remember the first symptom, Double vision. It was a long nd challenging time, 6 months to be exact, and then surgery. No diagnosis at that time, but no tumors. Then the whole body went numb. MRI, Spinal Tap, and the diagnosis. Annette Funicello was the only person I had ever heard of with this disease. But a little numbness and a weekly shot seems so easy.
Then six years ago the first sign that my leg was affected. I felt funny running. So, I retired from being an ocean lifeguard. Then my knee hyperextended, followed by a drop foot, and a week hip flexor. I still taught full time Elementary PE but with a cane. I remember being a bit fearful, but now it seems silly. Those days seem easy. Trouble walking, heat sensitivity, and fatigue sound like a piece of cake today. I had no pain.
Today I have pain 24/7. I sleep lousy. I pee all night. I can't lie down without spasms. I am so tired. I had a big dose of steriods around the holidays and felt great. Pain free for the first time in a couple years. And then Plasmapheresis and Rituxin. Some improvements. Now botox in my muscles. A little less pain, but not the fix I was hoping for. But the pain I had at the holiday's doesn't compare to today. My feet swell and ache. Both legs and my left arm are in constant spasms. And it gets worse when I lay down. I got up and slept sitting in a chair this morning. I am so tired.
I still work 30 hours a week. It is the best part of my day. I pray I don't have to stop any time soon. I am still driving. No problems with the right leg driving. It is just heavy and spasms when straight. But things have moved downhill seemingly fast in the last year. From cane, to walker & a scooter.
I have a strong faith in God. I know sickness isn't from him. I am believing for a miracle and a cure. It is just so darn hard to stay positive when the cicumstances of life are stealing everything.I finally find a great Neurologist who specializes in MS, and my job changes insurances. I have a little over a month left with her.
My heart goes out to all of us suffering with this disease. And don't let the small changes keep you living in fear. be greatful they are small. The big changes are very rough.
Then six years ago the first sign that my leg was affected. I felt funny running. So, I retired from being an ocean lifeguard. Then my knee hyperextended, followed by a drop foot, and a week hip flexor. I still taught full time Elementary PE but with a cane. I remember being a bit fearful, but now it seems silly. Those days seem easy. Trouble walking, heat sensitivity, and fatigue sound like a piece of cake today. I had no pain.
Today I have pain 24/7. I sleep lousy. I pee all night. I can't lie down without spasms. I am so tired. I had a big dose of steriods around the holidays and felt great. Pain free for the first time in a couple years. And then Plasmapheresis and Rituxin. Some improvements. Now botox in my muscles. A little less pain, but not the fix I was hoping for. But the pain I had at the holiday's doesn't compare to today. My feet swell and ache. Both legs and my left arm are in constant spasms. And it gets worse when I lay down. I got up and slept sitting in a chair this morning. I am so tired.
I still work 30 hours a week. It is the best part of my day. I pray I don't have to stop any time soon. I am still driving. No problems with the right leg driving. It is just heavy and spasms when straight. But things have moved downhill seemingly fast in the last year. From cane, to walker & a scooter.
I have a strong faith in God. I know sickness isn't from him. I am believing for a miracle and a cure. It is just so darn hard to stay positive when the cicumstances of life are stealing everything.I finally find a great Neurologist who specializes in MS, and my job changes insurances. I have a little over a month left with her.
My heart goes out to all of us suffering with this disease. And don't let the small changes keep you living in fear. be greatful they are small. The big changes are very rough.
Replies
Very thought provoking journal entry. Lately I have been reflecting back on before I was diagnosed, to the beginning of diagnosis and even to just last year, and the differences in me and my abilities. I love this line of yours the best \"don\'t let the small changes keep you living in fear.\" I have been finding myself on that slippery slope of letting my losses \'paralyze\' me in fear. But I\'m working hard on staying positive no matter how steep the decline seems. It\'s hard... But you seem to have a great attitude with your strong faith in God and have inspired me to keep mine strong too. Hang in there!
~Tracy
Thanks for responding to my journal entries. I forget to look, Hope you are well.