What I Wish I Could Say to Him

It's been almost 2 months since you left and i still can't stop thinking of you and why you broke my heart so bad. For some reason I still can't seem to wrap my head around that i won't get to see you anymore, talk to to you anymore, laugh with you, make love to you anymore. You seem to be ok with all this, living your life everyday like I never existed to you and that makes it hurt even more and to know that you will be or are now with someone else. So many thoughts go through my mind, like how one day you love me and make it seem like it's going to be forever and the next we are no more. Since January, you have pushed me away and pulled me back in so many times and still I was there for you, i never gave up on you or us, you were my heart and soul and I loved you to no end and you just threw me away. There were many things you said to me that you contridicted yourself and it makes me wonder if you really ever loved me to begin with for the last 6 years and if you ever really thought of my kids as your own like you said, because when i think about how you were with them, it seems like you only wanted to be a dad to them when reprimanded them for something, that doesn't make you a father. There were things about our relationship i wasn't to happy about either, but i was always willing to do anything to make it work, because that's how much I loved you, i wouldn't have just walked away so easily as you did. I feel sorry for you, that you gave up someone who would have never given up on you. There are places I pass by that we used to go to or a thought of something we did together that still makes me cry everyday, especially the thought that you can be doing them with someone else. I loved you like no other but, i know one day i'll be ok again and hopefully love again.