What I need
I feel like we're not going anywhere.
We go to marriage counseling almost weekly. Some weeks we have to skip because of my travel schedule, or the counselor's schedule. We're both comfortable with the MC, but I'm not sure what we're accomplishing.
I still walk on egg shells a little bit in discussing the affairs, how I feel, my anger, my distrust, etc. because my husband is still so fragile emotionally and mentally. He was in inpatient treatment for severe depression right after DDay, and has since been on a buttload of medication. While I think he's stable (as in, not suicidal), he's far from happy, and even farther from the person I've always known. Or thought I knew. Who the hell knows what's real anymore?
So, I feel abandoned in my pain. I feel like I am supposed to be over it. Right after DDay, I put all my energy into making sure he was going to be alright, knowing we'd have to make decisions about the marriage afterwards, but his health and well being was first on the list.
From the get go, he's said he wants us to stay together. That he loves me more than anything in the world. That the affairs had nothing to do with me.
I'm starting to understand that his choices were based on HIS issues, not OUR issues. It doesn't change the devastation that his choices have caused in my life, though.
I don't want to be someone who can never let go of the past. I want to understand him, help him heal, and I hang on to the hope that we'll be stronger because of it.
So what's the problem?
We're 18 months past DDay. Haven't resumed any sexual activity (mutual choice initially, but at this point the medication and his depression are making it impossible). We don't talk about the affairs unless we're in the counselors office, and then he answers what is asked, but he hates it. Hates talking about it. Doesn't comfort me when I'm upset. Says it just makes him feel bad.
I need him to be passionate about fixing "us". I need him to want to share with me all he's learning about why it happened. I need him to tell me it was a horrible mistake, and he wishes it had never happened. I need him to ask me how he can make it up to me. I need him to show me that he's willing to be my champion.
Instead, he gets down in the dumps, and I end up trying to cheer him up and put my feelings and insecurities and my need to be comforted on the back burner.
This sucks.
We go to marriage counseling almost weekly. Some weeks we have to skip because of my travel schedule, or the counselor's schedule. We're both comfortable with the MC, but I'm not sure what we're accomplishing.
I still walk on egg shells a little bit in discussing the affairs, how I feel, my anger, my distrust, etc. because my husband is still so fragile emotionally and mentally. He was in inpatient treatment for severe depression right after DDay, and has since been on a buttload of medication. While I think he's stable (as in, not suicidal), he's far from happy, and even farther from the person I've always known. Or thought I knew. Who the hell knows what's real anymore?
So, I feel abandoned in my pain. I feel like I am supposed to be over it. Right after DDay, I put all my energy into making sure he was going to be alright, knowing we'd have to make decisions about the marriage afterwards, but his health and well being was first on the list.
From the get go, he's said he wants us to stay together. That he loves me more than anything in the world. That the affairs had nothing to do with me.
I'm starting to understand that his choices were based on HIS issues, not OUR issues. It doesn't change the devastation that his choices have caused in my life, though.
I don't want to be someone who can never let go of the past. I want to understand him, help him heal, and I hang on to the hope that we'll be stronger because of it.
So what's the problem?
We're 18 months past DDay. Haven't resumed any sexual activity (mutual choice initially, but at this point the medication and his depression are making it impossible). We don't talk about the affairs unless we're in the counselors office, and then he answers what is asked, but he hates it. Hates talking about it. Doesn't comfort me when I'm upset. Says it just makes him feel bad.
I need him to be passionate about fixing "us". I need him to want to share with me all he's learning about why it happened. I need him to tell me it was a horrible mistake, and he wishes it had never happened. I need him to ask me how he can make it up to me. I need him to show me that he's willing to be my champion.
Instead, he gets down in the dumps, and I end up trying to cheer him up and put my feelings and insecurities and my need to be comforted on the back burner.
This sucks.
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