What I am Feeling Today

I don't know how people get thru this...but I know they do.  I feel like I can't breathe at times...but I know I am.  I want to die...but I don't.
It's a ball of emotions that seems to never go away.  I wish to God that there was a pill you could take to make the pain go away.  Or a pill that can take that memory away...the memory of the second you find out.  I wish there was something I could take to erase that...but I know that I am supposed to feel every emotion, shed every tear, mourn the loss of what was.  It is frightening, sad, painful...it cuts your soul to the core.  I don't understand it all.  I want to forgive, but I can't right now.  I want to forget, but I know I never will.  I don't want this to define me...I just want this to be a footnote in what I know is an amzing life thus far.  I am blessed with so many other things in my life and I know this, but tell that to my heart please...because it doesn't understand that.