What hurts the most...Was being so close....

I have been sitting her for the past few hours, which each tick of the clock brings us to the vital question, will she live or die. Each tick of the closet represents what seems to be an hour. I have seriously grown an year hours time in less than a week. I  just keep hoping this is a nightmare and there is no waking up.
This all started two weeks when a sudden sharp started in my upper abdomen. I really wasn't thinking anything about it until my boyfriend came home and told me how sick I looked. I was so mad...how dare he call me "sickly" So after much persuasion he convinced me to go to the emergency room. There must have forty people in an emergency room, but when my friend who is a nurse went to the front and explained my symptoms and what she claimed or thought was gallstones or gallbladder problems. Before I could understand what was going on, I was put on a gurney and put into another ambulance because I wasn't at a trauma center. I was admitted for three days, had my gallstones broken up and they finally released me. My best friend asked me if I wanted to spend a few nights at a hotel room just relaxing and doing spa days.
The next morning I woke up and my BFF, Tiffany was already out and about in the hustle going about their own second day. She even brought me breakfast because she knew I wasn't feeling well at all. I love to just sit and people watch, and we had one of the best seats in Utah. After the game, we went back to the hotel and we watched a movie and she had one of friends coming over to bring her some Xanax bars.
(Side note, tiff just had her baby taken away by CPS. Which could have been avoided but she wouldn't listen to anyone but herself)
I woke up at like 11 pm to notice that my pain medicine was gone almost. So I dumped what was rest down the toilet. Well one pain killers and half a Xanax will knock me out. So I guess she had invited the neighbor girl over for god knows what... But the two of them shot up, no one ever bother to wake me up. I would have done anything necessary to stay awake for her. She was so worried about my rest that she didn't want to wake me when was doing something to kill her. By the time I woke up, Tiffany was cold and blue and had no signs of life. I tried to do CPR, I'm a paramedic. But I forgot until the 911 operator told me what to do that I could do what I was supposed to be done. I can't but think if I had been awake I could have stopped this from happening. I had no clue what she was planning on doing or when and who she was doing things with.
Her family hates me with a passion because I didn't stop her. She's a grown ass adult and she shouldn't have been mixing the combination of drugs. I had to pick her up off the floor the first time and then the second time I was so tired from just getting out of the hospital absolutely couldn't stay any further than sleep. I'm not gonna get better without it.  
After I called for help and the police and firetrucks asked me for my ID which at this point in time I was so distraught and baffled by what I had seen that I honestly couldn't have told you were my ID was. So, the cops kept me pestering me for my social and other stuff but they could find me in their system...NO SHIT. I work very  hard to keep myself out of the system. I'm a paramedic and I need to get these charges dropped or everything that I've know and done will get flushed down the drain. The ended up me in jail on possession and paraphernalia.
 I am so exhausted. I just needed to get a few things off of my chest to people I know are listening and who care. My friends care and its wonderful to have everyone around me saying these wonder and I'm like where the hell is the BBQ and Vodka shots and rum and cokes. She would want a party, not a pity party.
At the end of that clock...No. Our day comes when its our day. We have so much to live for. If you're addicted to something and need help please come talk to a counsel member or a favorite teacher or a fellow student.
We face enough growing up, please I'm begging you, don't bully the kids who aren't as popular...did you he can kick your ass as pretty other things. Thanks for being here.