What Happened

For those who didn't know -- my husband had been on disability for probably 7 years or so.  He had complications from type 2 diabetes and lost his big toe on one foot Then metatarsals ... then a toe on the other foot.  Then had to have toes broken and reset on foot with no big one (the pressure from him walking did cause an open wound on the side of his foot that would not heal)

He continued to smoke , had poor circulation and would suffer from fluid retention. Then fact that he became more sedentary did not help (Granted , some times the dr told him to stay off the foot--- other times, he should have been up and moving as it did more harm than good.) He got to the point where he did very little.

I did bring up to him on Tuesday morning about needing assisted living. He was looking to me ( or visiting nurse ) for every little thing and struggling more. It had become difficult just to breathe.

Thursday afternoon- the visiting nurse was here and  his wound had completely healed on his other foot. Both she and the foot dr were pleased with the look of that-- but concerned about the fluid buildup and his struggle just to breathe and get around. After she left, he could not get up out of the chair and as I tried to help him , he got more upset and had a harder time breathing.He was determined and said he thought he could pull himself up by side of bed-- actually crawled (I told him not to- he would not get back up)and tried unsuccessully from bedside, then by side of tub. I did convince him that I would call 911 because I knew I could not handle him myself (he was probably 340 and I have shoulder issues )

The EMTs came-- it would take 5 to eventually get him up and in their chair for a few minutes while they stabilized heart rate and breathing. We all thought he needed to go to hospital, he begged not to go... said bad things happen at hospital (I think now he knew he would not be coming home) They tried to get him in bed and as comfortable as possible (could not force him to go) Once they got him stretched out on bed and he was lying down, he started to become confused and then unresponsive. They did then get him ready to transport to hospital. I  went along for consent-- he did need to be rescucitated. Again at hospital, but could not save him.

I have been reminded of some good memories, some struggles for both of us, and just as important- what did bring us to this point.  In spite of it all, I really did care and wished him no ill will.  After several very low points these past few days, it truly is a blessing that he is at peace.   And strange as it seems , some of the little things he did that annoyed me, I find myself missing.